The THOUGHT that COUNTS

Christmas shopping is so hard. It's not about the thoughts anymore, it's about how much for what. The thought just isn't there.

I even catch myself thinking, I don't know what to get them; should I just get them this? That is thoughtless. Reflecting on myself I think it's pretty rude. Do I not know my friends and family well enough to get them a present that they will enjoy? Or is it just too much of a burden to actually think about a person?

Even if someone celebrates Christmas because of the gifts, wouldn't they want to think about what they are giving? Isn't the point to give and not need to receive, and if that was really the point then wouldn't someone want to give the highest valued gift they could? Valued not priced. There is a difference.

Maybe it really has been this way all along...and I was just too blind to really see it. Maybe the price tag was what its really been about. But I find that hard to believe.

Every year when we put up our Christmas tree I find myself admiring the homemade ornaments more than the store bought. The store bought are just out dated and it's clearly visible in their fadedness...but that's not the point. The point is, there are homemade Christmas ornaments that are older than the store bought, and they never look out dated. They look aged but with the graceful kind of aging (the kind that people want to happen to them). They don't look ugly because they were made with more than just glass or yarn or paint, they were made by the hands of people we love. Those ornaments were made with thought, each and everyone of them, every stitch or stroke or cut. Every single piece of its being was purposefully made that way, for us.

And I love them and I hope to have them when I get a tree, I hope to get some just like them, gifts that required thought and are timeless to me. The price tag shouldn't be more thought provoking as the people we are buying the gifts for. To me, ideally, presents should be a reflection of a person. Presents should be more about the person than the price tag, and people should start to understand this as they receive and give presents.

It's the THOUGHT that COUNTS.

The Reasons of Believing?

Be·lieve (verb)
1. to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so
2. to have confidence or faith in the truth of (a positive assertion, story, etc.); give credence
to
3. to have confidence in the assertions of (a person).
4. to have a conviction that (a person or thing) is, has been, or will be engaged in a given action or involved in a given situation 5. to suppose or assume; understand

Now if a person looks at the first definition of believe, like people usually do, then they will see the ending which I have kindly highlighted.

You are probably like why does this matter?!--it matter's because I've been seeing a lot of things about believing. I have even been asked (kinda in a way) why do you believe in that particular religion that you believe in? While the person that asked me backed up their beliefs with "I've read the Bible, the Quran, etc. And I believe in ____ because..."

I TOTALLY understand that diversity is an awesome thing and can better connect a person with others. I accept that. However, I don't need diversity to believe in something. Believing is something that is my preference. I don't need other people's opinions to make my own opinion.

I saw a pin on pinterest that said "It's all in your head put there by adults that had it put in their heads when they were young." And to be quite honest, it really irritated me. In my opinion believing doesn't have to have reasons and just because there aren't reasons doesn't mean that you can't believe in it.

Just because a person's parents showed them a religion, doesn't mean that they have to have their own reason's to believe in the religion. They could have no reasons or the same reasons, because as long as they believe they will eventually build onto those reasons and then find their own reasons.

Besides...to have to search for a reason to believe defeats the purpose of believing. It doesn't matter why. It doesn't matter what I've read, because I already found my reasons. And it shouldn't matter to anyone else (unless I'm stuffing it down your throat, but I do not want to do that) everyone should have their opinions and their beliefs and they shouldn't argue against another person for it.

I think that the reason that a "non-believer" has a problem with the "believer" isn't the fact that they believe but that the fact that the "believer" wants to make the "non-believer" believe. But a person can't be forced to believe in something. They can be forced to think of something, but never truly believe in it. Beliefs form by choice. They are personal. And they do not need reasons.

A person that needs a reason to believe isn't much of a believer at all.

ARC giveaway for DEFY!!!

I follow Sara B. Larson's blog and I'm really excited about her ARC giveaway! What is the prize of this giveaway? It is her book to be! DEFY! It comes out January 7, 2014!

About the book:

Alexa Hollen is a fighter. Forced to disguise herself as a boy and serve in the king's army, Alex uses her quick wit and fierce sword-fighting skills to earn a spot on the elite prince's guard. But when a powerful sorcerer sneaks into the palace in the dead of night, even Alex, who is virtually unbeatable, can't prevent him from abducting her, her fellow guard and friend Rylan, and Prince Damian, taking them through the treacherous wilds of the jungle and deep into enemy territory.

The longer Alex is held captive with both Rylan and the prince, the more she realizes that she is not the only one who has been keeping dangerous secrets. And suddenly, after her own secret is revealed, Alex finds herself confronted with two men vying for her heart: the safe and steady Rylan, who has always cared for her, and the dark, intriguing Damian. With hidden foes lurking around every corner, is Alex strong enough to save herself and the kingdom she's sworn to protect?

I think it sounds pretty awesome and I'm really excited to read it! I love to read about strong heroines that kick butt (and who doesn't love a good romance?).

Blogging Hiatus NaNo and Football

I have been on quite the blogging hiatus because of this NaNo stuff and with Thanksgiving and football going on... That's okay though!

NaNoWriMo is coming to a tragic (but really not so tragic) ending. Even though the month is coming to an end doesn't mean that my project is. Well dratz! But that's okay. It is? Why yes because at least you started!

Besides 50,000 words is just the beginning. And just because you wrote 50,000 doesn't mean it's ready to be published. There is still a lot to change...so many revisions to make! But I'm closer than I was before. Anyone that starts is closer to the finish than they were before.

I will quote pinterest:
"The best way to predict the future is to create it."
"Goals are dreams with deadlines."

This weekend I watched my high school football team play in the State Championship! No one thought that they were going to make it that far when the season started. People would talk about the team as if the were bad. Obviously they aren't bad if they made it to the State Championship... But because everyone was so negative the boys really wanted to prove them wrong; that they were going to be something. And that's how they ended in a place where no one expected, but everyone was happy to be.

So, go get it. Whatever you want, you can work for it. If you want 50,000 words then work for it and you can get it. What I've learned this weekend, from writing so much, or watching our football team play at state is that a little bit (actually A LOT) of hard work and a lot of drive can get you just about anywhere you want to be.

Questions make Classics

So I should really be NaNoing write now (ha ha see what I did there) but I'm stuck. That's typical; absolutely nothing new about being stuck. It's the norm. This time it's a different kind of stuck; it's the kind of stuck that leaves me wishing instead of doing. Feeling totally capable but incapable at the same time, and it is awful. So enough of my misery, that's why I decided to poke around here.

On Friday night I went to the play my school was putting on, and it was really awesome! It was Frankenstein and they did really great making it creepy and sad and best of all...they made me curious. Frankenstein is a classic and even though I haven't read the book (YET) I have heard really great things about it. I have heard about the questions it leaves about humanity and visions of a person.

In the directors note he said "Great literature makes us think". I have not only heard that from him but I have interpreted it from Veronica Roth's blog post. What better way to think than to be left with questions, about the book or  yourself or, best of all, about humanity.

Classics are usually books that leave questions, sometimes more questions than answers. They aren't just books that a person enjoys to read but they secretly make you think about the, typically tragic, ending.

Through the few classics I've read so far I am left with a question at each ending. In The Great Gatsby I was left with questions about hope. For The Scarlet Letter it was about forgiveness and sins. In A Streetcar Named Desire the question I'm left with is when has someone done so much wrong that they don't deserve a second chance?

These classics leave questions that you may never be able to answer. They are typically notorious for pushing boundaries, in general, in their endings, or in their hidden questions. However these classics are what has shaped our society to what it is today and they have set standards for modern literature.

Happy Halloween!!!

Greetings ghostly ghouls, goblins, and other monsters... Happy Halloween! I hope it wasn't to cold for you trick or treaters football game spectators (that's what I did.). I say it was much too cold for a costume so I wore a mask.

Some people were much more creative and had face paint on, or actual costumes. Besides the costumes let's talk about what's really important. The candy! Did you get any? Even if you didn't go trick or treating did you at least go out and buy yourself a bag of your favorite?

And we can't forget the scariness of Halloween. Did anyone spook you? Were you driving home in the dark and thinking of a scary movie so you slightly freaked out because you live out in the country?Well I did that.

Now that today is the last day of my thirteen days of Halloween, I would like to point out that tomorrow is November 1st. No duh, right? Well this brings a slight panic to mind when I keep seeing NaNoWriMo everywhere on the intraweb. So my scarryish question for you is: Are you going to participate in NaNoWriMo?

For those who don't know what NaNoWriMo is I will explain. It stands for National Novel Writing Month. It lasts through November when people scramble through their thoughts to combine all of their craziest ideas to make a 50,000 word document in one month. Easier said than done.

I'm going to try, but we will see how far I can go. Just an FYI: You don't fail if you don't finish it in November it's really and truly the thought that counts. I am challenging you to put your words on paper and try to participate in NaNoWriMo.

Creepy HALLOWEEN story...one day left!

Plunging has been used so many times but maybe that's because that's really the best way to describe it. The knife plunging into the soft fleshy part of his abdomen. The blood pooling around the blade and filling the gap that I forced in him, after I pull the blade out terrified by what I've done.

The tip of the knife points to the sky and the blood drips down the blade finding my fingers tightly fastened around the handle. The warmth of the blood startles me and I let the knife fall. I flinch at the sound of the knife clattering on the ground.

His eyes, alert, alive, stare at me devouring ever ounce of me. Guilt consumes me the same way his eyes do. I wonder, for a moment, if this is how he felt as he attacked me over and over again.

His hands once clamping around his wound, twitch; they don't twitch with the cold shivers of death. They twitch with action. My numbed body can hardly digest his movements until I feel his hands clamped around my neck. I dropped the knife, that's probably what he was waiting for, he was ready to attack again.

My nails claw at his hand, struggling to force him off of me. If he is going to choke the life out of me then he is going to have to stare into my eyes as I die. But the gleam of cruelty in his eye suggests that he doesn't care. If guilt of killing me isn't going to stop him then I have to.

Darkness thickens along the edges of my vision and I can feel my muscles weakening as they gasp for air, energy, anything that will sustain them. My hand plummets at his wound forcing him to let go of me. He struggles to breathe but I don't fall to guilt. I pick up the knife, greeting the stickiness of the blood that stains the handle.

Over and over I plunge the blade into him. Smiling at each scream that bursts out of his mouth. Welcoming the most painful shudders that he contorts. Until everything stops. His eyes frozen in their horrific emptiness, the emptiness that I caused him.

How can I make the decision that stole the thought from a person's eyes, the breath from their lungs. I should be terrified, I am terrified but not because he's dead because I don't feel bad. I don't feel anything. I feel more alive now than I ever was. But who...what does that make me? I know who I am now. I am a monster.

Almost to Halloween!

Our football teams district game, this year, lands on Halloween. That means dressing up in our Halloween costumes to a football game! I'm excited! There is one dilemma however. I want to be warm and all of the costumes I could wear would not keep me warm.

So I have come to the decision that maybe I'll just do some crazy makeup idea to make me dressed up for this game. So I was thinking, kitten makeup. It would be easy right? All I have to do is get some eyeliner and draw whiskers and bam I'm dressed up.

There was one thing that I have been dying to try even though I'm pretty sure it will not turn out how I want it to because I am a picky picky person. And that is this:

The cat idea might be my best bet unless I go all out and do this:
We will see how this goes...

Day...whatever...

The moment I found him everything changed. My innocents ended, in just one second, just one glance. Every time I blink I can see his emptiness, his eyes glazed over with the horrifying blankness. The blood, that stained the once beautiful rich soil of where grass was turned up, may never leave my memories.

I came here to mourn my cousin, my friend and instead I now mourn my innocents. I mourn for the life of a person I don't know. A life that never entwined with mine until death parted him from this world.

He shouldn't matter to me. He should be just a person in a cemetery, like all the rest, like my cousin, but somehow seeing his emptiness, his blood draped across the mound of dirt that hides another person from the rest of the world; somehow it changes everything. Me. It changes me.

Who was he before I found him? Before his blood spilt onto the dirt? Before his eyes glazed over, mimicking glass?

I shake my head and bite my lip. I don't care. I don't care. I tell myself but it doesn't keep the tears from building in my eyes and hazing my contact with the world. This is ridiculous of me. I squeeze my hands into fist so hard that my fingernails bite my palm. I don't even know this man. It doesn't matter. I ball my fists up so tight that I can feel my fingernails cutting into my skin.

I feel a hand on my shoulder before I register the investigators voice. He repeats himself. "A counselor is on the way."

I hold my breath and nod. The investigator looks me over, his lips set in a line and then his eyes catch notice of my hand. He lingers near me like he's trying to comfort me without words. But I don't need to be comforted. I let my hands clench harder into my palm.

The investigator notices and grabs my hand. He holds my fist between his hands, trying to loosen it without force. Eventually the tension does loosen and my fists come apart. My fingernails are red with blood, my blood. This lifeless body has damaged me. It's because of him that I feel like curling into a ball. Because of him I have inflicted pain on myself, even if I don't feel it.

Day 5...I think

(This may not be a spooky, creepy, or eerie post for Halloween but I think that it is valid.)

It's almost Halloween and that means candy! What candy should you buy? Well I feel like the answer is obvious chocolate. Don't believe me? Then maybe you should check for yourself...

If you know what the best Halloween candy to buy is then your are probably wonder what the worst could possibly be. Well you can check that too.

In my opinion, however, chocolate is not the best. My favorite was always the really hard to find sugar sticks that came two to a tiny box. I don't know what they were called but I would always pick them out of the candy bowl, except for one so no one would get suspicious and I would keep them all for myself. ;)

Day: 6

She screams so loud the speakers make cracking noises. "Help me! Help me, someone!" Over and over again, desperate attempts to plea with me and when that doesn't work, anyone else who can hear her. But no one can, I made sure that she was so isolated that no one would find her, but just in case she lucks out and someone does come close enough to hear, I have made the small shack soundproof.

A smile creeps onto my face when I see that all of her struggling has cause a wound on her elbow. I would have thought that she was smart enough to tell that she couldn't get out, but she's one of those girls that won't give up and is dumb enough to try anything.

Her screams start to quiet down for a moment and so I turn up the volume. "Why me?" She asks, like every girl that has been trapped in that small shack. For some strange reason the answer is my favorite, because I chose you. Really it is a compliment but none of them take it as one, instead they whimper or beg or scream--something loud and annoying. Maybe if they were quieter we could spend more time together.

My dad, the one that taught me all of my strategies, has always said I pick the wrong ones. But he doesn't agree with anything I do or however I do it. I don't care what he thinks, he left me to do this chore by myself. I used to believe that once I started getting better at it then he would be pleased with me, but it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.

"Let me out of here!" Her voice, once soft, now has a roughness to it from screaming so much. I hate the sound. I turn the volume down again but close up on her. I better leave soon so I can get to her before seven, I don't like to be out there when it's so cold, neither does she or any of the previous ones, I'll bring her a blanket.

I leave the computer screen to get a blanket in the living room. When I walk past the computer again I can't help but smile at her quietness, I turn up the volume again. Maybe she will listen to me and won't scream so much. I can't help but notice her pretty brown hair collecting in natural curls, she will look very pretty resting against the tree, like I have planned. None of their parents thank me for making them look so beautiful when their natural rosy blood is no longer bright and pulsing under their cheeks.

She screams again, "help me!"

I roll my eyes and walk away from the computer. When I fling the door open I hit the ground, and hard, so hard that my back aches and my lungs, also scream, but instead for air not freedom. They roll me onto my stomach and cuff me behind my back.

"You are under arrest for kidnap and seven murder cases." I stare at the vest that says FBI on it. My smile widens, I don't have to keep trying to please my dad even if he is gone I know he was still watching. Now he can't. Then I frown, now she's free, but a smile reforms me, I am free too.

Day: 7

I was browsing pinterest and came across a freaky craft that I had to share:
Yes, that is a head in the jar. But thankfully it isn't real. If you want to know how to get a person's head in a jar then I would click here. Again, this isn't real because if it was that would be creepy and a problem to the person who would be in the jar...and I try to avoid problems when possible.

Day: 8

I heard this song the other day and I remember dancing to it in the morning.

The days leading up to Halloween were my favorite all because of the anticipation--the anticipation of how my costume would look and how much candy I would get. Still I think they are more exciting than Halloween itself because we have silly songs like this.

Day 9

Pumpkin carving time! I wish I had the skill to do any of these:







 

Here's some ideas, carve away! And happy carving.

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Day 10

The wet streaks are clearly visible on my face as I stare into the three sixty mirrors that surround me. The chill of a light breeze leaves goose bumps on my arms and legs and the ice of the cuffs around my wrists and ankles make my body twist with shivers.

A voice comes over an intercom that makes the small area echo with a gnarly voice. "There's no use, you won't figure out the maze."

"Please." More tears stream down my face and a sob shakes my body.

"You will have twenty four hours and if it's not completed, you will suffer."

A buzz rings my ears and the cuffs open, freeing my limbs and my spirit. My spirit is clearly visible as I watch myself spring out of the chair. I push each mirror until one opens and the dark hallway is inviting me to explore and find freedom.

At the end of the hallway are three more hallways each one a different color; red--a bright waking color, dark blue--almost black, and yellow--a much brighter vibrant color. I pick the one on my left, red. It ends short so I go into the next one, dark blue.

I am led to three more choices, this time doors with the letters; E, I, and O. I start on my right but that one ends after a misleading turn. Then I pick "I" the hallway gets darker the further I go. Complete darkness fills me with despair, if the hallway stays like this then I will never leave.

Heat radiates off of the walls causing me to pull my hand away with a sudden burst shock. Something in me, perhaps that small voice in my head, tells me to go back. Curiosity makes me linger though, but I fight the urge to solve the question of the sudden heat with the more urgent desire I have to find a way out.

I turn back and walk for hours, but is really just a matter of minutes waisted. Then I turn down "E" and I keep walking, no matter how much I want to give up I don't.

I am brought to three more doors but these are more terrifying. One door reads, stabbing, the other door reads asphyxiation, and the last door says shooting. Could they all really be a door to my terrible ending?

My palms start to slicken so I wipe them on my pants. There has to be some logic to these decisions. Stabbing and shooting are both very physical endings when a person can asphyxiate from gas. And asphyxiation is so much longer. It is also a different form, he could have said asphyxiating but he didn't.

I open the door with my breath deep at the bottom of my stomach, leaving no air in my lungs. I start to sprint until I come to the next doors but this time there are four decisions. The doors now read, in order, "THE END IS NEAR" each door having it's own word. I don't want to die, if that's what's implied. I close my eyes and push open the door "THE". When I open my eyes I realize that I'm still alive and I keep walking.

Is this some kind of sick game to him? Why does he put words on the doors? Or why were the hallways painted? My thoughts scramble for answers. Blue, "E", "Asphyxiation", "The" they have nothing in common. I cling to one thought though, one outrageous silly thought: all together the first words spell BEAT.

I stop in my tracks at the sight of more doors. This is a game to him and he wants me to know it. My next choices are "HIDE OR SEEK" all in order, referring to the game. But what word is BEATH, BEATO, or BEATS? Is he trying to tell me that he's beating me? But why would it be plural?

I sit down in front of all the doors and try to think. There has to be a better explanation. I think from the most recent door all the way to the first hall. The halls were so bright except for the hall that brought me here, it was darker than the others. I get up and smile as I realize that I can finish this word game. HIDE is the door I push open, because DEATH is the word he wants me to spell.

The lights are off and it's so dark that if I waved my hand in front of my face I wouldn't be able to see it, not even an outline. The door closes with a heavy click, it's locking me in.

"I gave you a choice and you chose death."

The sound of a machine comes on and I run to the door for help, I try to bang on it but no one is there to help me. I am trapped here, left to die. That's when I feel the heat again but this time it comes from the floor and I start to notice the floor slipping out from underneath me.

The machine makes a shrilling sound and stops, but it stops with a jostle of movement and I fall.

Halloween: Day 11

We prowl the aisle looking for nothing in particular. As we make our way to the candy aisle a man in all black stops at the end of the aisle and peers at us with a grueling smile. I stare at him for a second and smile back. Lila tugs my arm and pulls my attention to the bag of candy that sits on the shelf.

"That man..." I start but I don't finish.

"What man?" Lila looks at the end of the bare aisle and then back at me, confused.

"Never mind."

We wander around the rest of the empty store, howling with laughter as we throw rubber balls at each other. Then I see him again, as he walked out of the outdoors aisle. He turns and stops when he sees us. This time he doesn't smile, he just stares.

"Lila there he is."

But as I focus more on her face I realize that something is wrong. She looks concerned, but not for me, she's looking past me. I say her name but she doesn't respond. Her eyes seem glazed over with fascination.

"Remy, he's coming towards us."

I look past her, and see the man standing still. What does she mean he's coming towards us, and how could she possibly know anyway she's not even looking...

I turn around, shocked to see another man dressed in all black, his hood up and a black cloth draped over his face so all that is visible is his eyes. He does come toward us with a heavy but urgent step. This isn't good.

I don't think I just run. I run and hope that Lila is following me. My lungs burn and I gasp for air, soon I'm reassured that Lila followed me when I hear her gasping as well. I press forward with all my strength but my legs still quiver.

I take a turn and somehow end up in the Halloween aisle with all of the costumes and decorations. We slow down to a walk, every other second glancing behind us, until we stop.

"Who do you think they were?"

My heart accelerates as I think of the answer. "Whoever they were, they aren't safe. We should leave."

Lila nods and we start walking towards the end of the aisle. My heart rate is starting to slow down as I think of home and safety within my grasp. Then the man walks to the edge of the aisle and stands in our way. I give a quick back glance and my heart racks against my ribs as I see no way out. Another man in all black with cloth over his face stands in the way too. We are trapped.

When I turn back around the man is two steps closer and my heart is two beats faster as well. He gives a crooked, demented smile and Lila screams from behind me. I tell myself not to look back but I do anyway. The man with the cloth holds her limp body in her arms with a cloth covering her mouth.

My eyes spring open as I feel a pair of hands around me and then a cloth covers my mouth too. The lights begin to dim and the etched outline of Lila's limp body is the last thing I see before the lights go off.

Halloween: Day 12

When I first saw this picture it was in the summer when I was ten years old and I was amazed by how it was like two separate pictures in one. I thought it was the coolest thing ever.

The school year came and it was a difficult year, not just for me but also for my school because our principal was diagnosed with cancer. Eventually my birthday came up but it didn't start off so great, I woke up at five in the morning with stomach pains, but they soon disappeared. After I got up and got ready for school I opened my presents and this picture was one of them I had completely forgotten about this picture.  I was so excited about it that I brought it to school and on the bus I would show my friends and they thought it was cool too.

However when I walked down the hallway things were different, people weren't walking around like usual. Everyone was lined up and sitting on the floor against the wall, quietly. I kept the picture in my backpack knowing that this wasn't the time to show my birthday present, and I was right it wasn't the time. Our principal died the morning of my birthday.

After that day I hid the picture because it frightened me but if someone happens to find it buried underneath my books, which some people have I tell them the story. A picture's worth a thousand words.

Thirteen Days of Halloween: Day 13

Since there are thirteen days until Halloween I am going to blog everyday. (Like how ABC does the twenty five days of Christmas. Yeah, I know, it's going to be hard but I'm gonna try.) The point of me doing this is because of the sketchiness of Friday the thirteenth, but you probably already understood that. These post are going to be anywhere from a short scary story, a freaky picture/video, a Halloween craft or whatever else this brain of mine can conjure up.

Enjoy the thirteen days of Halloween, my fellow goblins and ghouls.

***

This is a car advertisement from Great Britain. When they finished filming the ad director noticed a strange mist moving along side the vehicle, they later found out that a year earlier someone had died in that same spot. The ad was never broad casted on television because of the strange ghostly phenomenon of the strange unexplainable white mist. If you look closely and watch the front end of the car after it clears the trees you can see the mist and how it follows the car. Watch the video for yourself and decide if it's a ghost or just a mist.

I thought it was pretty ghostly myself. ;)

Why Tweak the Curriculum?

(Yes the pun was intended. And no this isn't a slam on my parents.)

My nonfiction class was going to read the book TWEAK: GROWING UP ON METHAMPHETAMINES but because the book was too...lets say vulgar, we could not read it. My teacher made a wise decision, a decision backed by research to not have us read the books for our curriculum. If she had remembered to send out permission forms then we would have read it, unless a parent would have disagreed with the material. Which is possible considering the up rise it caused in some schools (primarily on the East coast).

This class is made up of juniors and seniors, the next generation, young adults. Whatever you want to call us... The point being that we are going to go out into the world and not know what to expect because we have been sheltered all our lives. This book, though vulgar, gives us a different perspective to life that our parents don't want to show us because they are too afraid that we might find that life isn't always a bed of roses.

There are reasons to be afraid of what we might uncover while reading this book. But. But it's better than finding out the hard way. It's better to experience this life through a character rather than our own lives. Maybe it is vulgar but we are growing up and we are going to find that life is real and we might even be faced with the decision of whether or not to do drugs. As vulgar as this book might be it could influence our decisions, but if we can't read it then it won't have any impact on us, including a positive impact.

To be ready for the world later we have to have glimpses of what it is really like. This book would not only show some difficult decisions and the affect of those decisions but it also is a good sign of hope. The author has obviously come along way from being addicted to drugs to writing a book. So my conclusion is that if people wouldn't dwell on the negative in this book then they might find a better message, and we might be able to read a book that most of the class was interested in, and it wouldn't cause an up rise in schools.

Perceiving Quotes

In case you haven't really noticed I'm kind of a quote person. I can't really explain why but there's just something about a serious quote that inspires me. So, anyways I saw this quote on my teachers desk and he explained what he thought about it. When I read the quote I thought something totally different, but I still understand his points.

"It's always about choices but it's not about choosing between two roads. It's about choosing from countless possibilities. Choose one, and you give up not just the other but all the others. And you never know if you've chosen the right one until it's too late to change your mind."
 

First I will point out that my teacher said this quote was about Robert Frost's poem, The Road Not Taken. However my teacher said he liked the poem because he thought as if like, if he was having a bad day how should he act. How would it affect a student if he chose to give a student an eighth hour compared to yelling at them?

The thoughts that were evoked by this quote mainly focused on my future. Where am I going to go to college? What do I really want to major in? What do I want to do with the rest of my life? That is the scariest question of all because I want to make the right decision. That's what makes this quote sink in, because of that question and the last sentence of this quote.

I like this quote because it helps me understand that there are so many possibilities out there and I have the ability to use those possibilities. Even if I make the wrong decision, which is likely, I can still make another decision. I may not know if I made the right decision until it's too late to change my mind but I can always make another decision based on previous ones.

Hearing my teachers opinion on this quote opens my eyes on how people perceive things differently. So, I would love to hear what opinions you might have on this quote. Feel free to comment in the the comments below. :)

When Strength is Too Much

In one of my classes we read a book and this quote just so happened to be in it:

"Anyone who looks with anguish on evils so great must acknowledge the tragedy of it all; and if anyone experiences them without anguish, his condition is even more tragic, since he remains serene by losing his humanity." 

        --Augustine of Hippo

 I think it is depressing, if it's true; but in my opinion, it is not.

From the quote I understood that it is depressing to think that people should hurt; that it is healthy for a person to hurt. No matter how strong a person is at one point they have to break, and if they don't then they probably weren't strong in the first place--they were just numbed, and that is weakness.

Ideally, this quote explains that numbness is the greatest tragedy. It tells us that if a person doesn't show anguish then there is something wrong with them. Every person deserves a moment when they can be poked and bleed. Bleeding signifies that you are alive, that you still care for others and yourself. The problem occurs when one person is poked, but doesn't bleed, when they don't care to see the blood that comes out and then they claim it is just broken skin.

In my opinion this quote is not only wrong, but it makes me realize how sad the truth is. To me it is sad that human beings were designed to be weak at one point. All our lives we want to be strong, but sometimes strength is to much. We don't want others to think we are weak so we scold ourselves for giving in to the natural need of comfort, of natural actions like crying. We see others strong and put together, ultimately seeing the best of them, but we judge ourselves behind closed doors and we think something is wrong with us. Then, because of what we see we train ourselves to be the same; strong and put together. We become calloused on the outside and hold our tears in, only crying on the inside.

This quote is wrong in my opinion because, people can hold themselves together, very well, but on the inside they might be torn apart. This quote only portrays what we see, but not how the other person feels. Thus there is no way to tell how cold a person is unless you can share the same feelings, unless you see them behind their closed doors too.

The If Game

"Peace with all the world is my sincerest wish."
          -George Washington

In my opinion the greatest President that the United States of America has ever had. These are my reasons:
1. If it weren't for George Washington then we would have had a monarchy, but because of George Washington's suggestion we have a president. (So if it weren't for George Washington then some of your favorite president's wouldn't have been in office....What?! No Abe Lincoln? No Truman? No JFK? You're telling me if he wasn't president then we wouldn't have even had those tremendous leaders?....Yep!)
2. He set the precedent of having two terms (because he knew that power could get to a person) which was later turned into law.
3. He gave some concrete advice.
        -Don't start political parties.
        -Don't have allies because that means enemies.

Just to think of a world without George Washington is a thought of despair. That's one of the things I like about history; you can look back and imagine the slightest change and how that would affect the world today. If we would have listened to George about not having political parties, then where would our country be today? Would we come to a mutual understanding on abolishing slavery or would it last for centuries more? If we didn't have allies, would we remain neutral in WWI or WWII, would we be considered the international police that we consider ourselves today?

History repeats itself and it makes an impact years and years later. Who would have thought that December 24, 1979 would have a lasting affect on the world we live in today? Who would have thought that it would matter today that the Soviet Union invaded Afghanistan? But it has.

The if game: If the Soviet Union did not attack then the Taliban may not have taken control of Afghanistan, thus the devastation of 9/11 would not have happened because Al-Qaeda wouldn't have had the protection of the Taliban. If the Soviet Union did not attack then the government may not have fallen and there would be no Russia, if so then the United States may have still been in poor terms with the Soviet Union and the cold war wouldn't have ended.

Who's to say that the political problems we currently face won't have affects on decisions made centuries later? It's a scary thought to think of, honestly, no one can tell at that moment what kind of decision they are going to make for the generation ahead of them. Who would have thought that the rule of war that goes against chemical weapons would have been tested and caused such a controversy today? That rule was created to stop a conflict but now it is testing us to see what action we will take.

The best way to play the if game: Look at least a step ahead because what you do now will have an affect on what comes later, personally or politically. Look at least a step behind you because history repeats itself, if you don't like what you see then don't repeat it, learn from it. You won't take the right step every time, but when you take the wrong step be prepared to act because you will have to act. When you have chosen and what you did becomes history. People will evaluate your decision, whether they are family or historians and they will play the if game.

Thank You Ya Highway!!

First off, I want to say a HUGE THANK YOU to ya highway!

On Thursday I was having a not so awesome day, after losing our second volleyball game against Cameron. Then I had to go home and write a college admission's essay for homework. (Man oh man is that stressful stuff. It's one thing to say I have good grades and that I am active in extra curricular activities, but it's another thing to brag. The way I was raised I was taught bragging is rude, so it's really hard to sit there and evaluate yourself to make others feel the need that you have to attend their school.) Anyways...it was Thursday night, and I remembered that I had my dad forward me a bunch of emails from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln so I decided to get on my email.

That's when one of the worst days ever turned into the best miracle God could give me.

That's when I saw that I received an email from ya highway. I love following their blog, it's very insightful especially for an aspiring author...which fits my description. So back to what the email said. It said something like "Hurray!" and that's when my heart stopped and I tried to stifle an energetic scream. I stood up really fast, which made me a little light headed because I wasn't feeling so well, and then I ran to my parents room. Well they were both out cold, go figure it was eleven thirty, so after that I ran back to my room to read the rest of the email.

It told me that I won a query critique. For those of you that don't know what a query is, it is a letter that an author will send to agents asking for representation. Queries have to be well written and really explain your book, if they aren't then you could very well end up without an agent. So winning a query critique is really good news, especially since I've never written one before and I need my query to be good.

A little note: I have written something, but I've always been hesitant about saying anything. However, I haven't let my hesitation stop me from going after my dream of being published, so I've asked some well trusted people to read it. Both times I've given them the manuscript I have heard a song that always reminds me of my manuscript, and both times I have looked up and thanked God for giving me the courage to write. Because it does take courage.

Here I am again thanking God because he has definitely given me a miracle. Winning a query critique from the ya highway giveaway is a true blessing. Once again I really want to thank ya highway, they are helping people learn how to be better writers and it really makes a difference.

Thank you so much,
Bailey

Leaving a Legacy

"A man can be destroyed but not defeated."
            -Ernest Hemingway

I think that this quote kind of goes along with the saying, "You can kill a person but you cannot kill an idea." I believe 100% that that is true. A legacy is always left behind after a person leaves. And a legacy is what people call to remember most about a person. It's based off of what the person has done, what they wanted to do, what they said, what they didn't say, what their ideas were.

Each person will leave a legacy, good or bad or in between. They will impact people in very different ways, but it all depends on what the person watching saw and what they heard and what they didn't see or hear. It all depends on the idea you left behind.

Joseph Stalin said, "Ideas are more powerful than guns." I don't think that this quote could be any more true. Ideas are the reasons guns are fired, because people have a tendency to act on their ideas. Even if a person has a morally incorrect idea they will still act on it. People can persuade others to fight for their ideas, after all, people are good at finding reasons to fight. If this weren't true then we wouldn't have to learn about the genocide in World War II. We wouldn't hear of revolutions. We wouldn't see good things either, like civil rights movements, or the formation of religions.

Ideas are powerful things, they can live for years or even centuries. They are what keeps a persons legacy alive. They are what keeps a person alive. They not only keep a memory strong but they also can give people a reason to keep going, to keep trying. The idea of equality saved many people from the evil of others.

Either way, good or bad, you will leave a legacy. With your ideas you will infuence others. Those people will impact more people.  Leave a legacy worth hearing. Leave an idea worth living.

The Last First

Today was my last first day of high school. I don't know if I should be ecstatic, or depressed, maybe both. All I know is right now I'm overwhelmed, but hopefully it will get better. Scratch that, I know it will, I will make it better. This is going to be one of the best years of my life!

Earning Your Honor

Even though school hasn't started yet for me I still have to do some work so I won't be so stressed out when school does start. For one assignment I had to watch a movie. I picked one of my favorite Disney princesses, Mulan. So I started watching and writing my paper over the movie. (Spoiler Alert!)

As I was watching Mulan I figured out why Mulan is one of my favorites (The other favorite is Pocahontas.) I compared Mulan to all of the other Disney princesses, including Pocahontas, and I realized that what Mulan does is something the other Disney characters don't do. Mulan goes out and she gets it. Technically Mulan isn't even a princess, but she's better than the others because she wasn't born into greatness, and she didn't have greatness thrust upon her. Mulan earned it.

I made the point of my paper to be why standing in the crowd isn't always the right choice. Mulan proves it constantly in the movie that what everyone else does isn't always right. The biggest example is going against the law and joining the Imperial Army. Even when she starts to lose hope in herself she tries again.

In the movie, Mulan states, "I just wanted to see someone worth while."

Before she might not have been someone worth while, but she changes that. She becomes someone worth while, she makes herself into someone worth while. SHE DOES IT. No one else did it for her. She wasn't born with a crown, heck she was even told that she would never bring honor to her family. The match maker was clearly wrong because Mulan brought home the Emperors Crest to honor her family. The point being that Mulan didn't start off honorable, few people ever do, she became honorable.

People didn't believe she would be anything, but she proved them wrong. That is why Mulan is my favorite Disney princess. Mulan is the best figure for a little girl to look at and say I want to be like that Disney princess. In a way a little girl could grow up to be like Mulan (maybe not exactly but you get my point...) a little girl could learn that she has to achieve her own dreams because not everyone is going to see her with a crown.

No Pain No Gain

I'm two days in volleyball practice and I'm starting to feel it. Yesterday I didn't feel it as much but today... Oh, do I feel it. That's okay though, sure I'll complain but I'll complain with a smile because it might be odd, but, I like the feeling of being sore. Feeling sore makes me feel accomplished. There is a good reason I'm sore, why my teammates are sore, because we are working hard.

As a senior (the only senior on the team) I want this season to last as long as possible, which means that we have to win games to keep going. I think that with all of this hard work burning in our muscles we will have a good season. That's what I can hope for anyway.

That's what we all hope for. That's the reason the coaches push so hard. There is always room for improvement and they know that. Just because I'm a senior doesn't mean that I know it all, I try to learn something different every time we go into a drill. If I don't bother in trying to learn something different, if none of us bothers, then there is no reason we should be out there. If we aren't learning, we aren't winning. And if we aren't working hard, we aren't winning. This might sound rude but, I want to win. If we lose, then, fine as longs as we did our best.

So, yeah I like the feeling of being sore. It means we are working, and working hard. Feeling sore is just being one step closer to a better game.

Changing Water Flow, I Don't Think So...

I have recently learned that although, changes are awesome and sometimes for the better...they aren't always. Sometimes after you write something down, and you've kept it and built it into the story, it really does belong. It makes sense. It flows. It WORKS.

So why do I keep wanting to change it?

I have the theory that I'm so used to changing the story before that I must constantly change it. I mean... It worked then so won't it work now.

NO. What I have now has been crafted together. It flows already remember? What I want to do is make it flow differently, change things up. And you can't change the rivers flowing direction (unless you're an earthquake, but I am not).

But I have to. I want to. I need to. After constant change I want to change it even more. And then more. And more. Until it is not what I originally had.

But the truth is the original stuff works. It meshes together and creates this really sweet story that I originally loved. That your reader loves too. If your reader doesn't like it, change it to a way that both of you do. So you still have the original stuff and the reader still has the grand toppings.

To sum up what I've learned. Advice to solving the problem of constant change: Ask your reader first. I don't know if that's what an author typically does but that's what I'm doing.

A Yahighway Giveaway!

Do you like to read YA or Middle Grade Fiction? Are you writing/querying and need a critique by a published author? Well head on down to http://www.yahighway.com/ for their giveaway! Check it out at least! You could win bookmarks! Signed copies! ARCs! Books! And as I said Critiques! It's worth a shot! :)
(You can only win books if you live in North America but critiques can be won from all around the world.)

Connections In a Story

Today was a great day for writing. I sat down and I actually wrote! Can you imagine that? Not only am I writing the next part to this story but I'm still critiquing the first part of the story which is great! I am getting things done. I'm not just sitting around (well I am sitting) and doing nothing (but I'm definitely doing things besides clicking the remote button).

I rediscovered a song (Gone, Gone, Gone by Phillip Phillips) that is really pushing me to get to a certain point in this story, because all I want to do is write it down. I want it to spill onto the page, but I can't let it until I get to that point, and I'm still not there yet. I keep listening to that song and I get more excited each time I hear it.

To the point where I'm like: "Ugh! The suspense is killing me!" Then I have to stop and think about what will happen when I get to that point, and I just let it all replay in my mind. Like a movie. (Honestly the books are better than the movie because you get to picture it how you want it. Seriously, read the books.)

So, anyway, I am at the point where I still see all of these flaws in this story, but now I don't look at it like, wow this totally blows. I see it more as, wow I came this far I can go a little further. The best part about finding the flaws is that if I just drop that section completely it will help the story in a different section. It's all connected.

"That's more connections than the human brain." -Avatar (The blue people one not The Last Air bender.)

However that's an exaggeration because my story doesn't have quite that many connections... Anyways it still works and maybe even better than before. So today was a pretty good day! And with all of these connections, I hope I can pass that good day to you. ;)
-Bay

An Act of Bravery

"'A brave man acknowledges the strengths of others,' Four replies.
'A brave man never surrenders.'"
-Divergent by Veronica Roth

I guess you could kind of say that I obsess over this book. It has some pretty good messages, and it really makes you think--think about selfishness, bravery, honesty, pride, cruelty and so much more.

Right now I am questioning who is right, Four or Eric? As I was reading the book (for the tenth time) in the car I asked the question of who is right. My dad replied that a brave man will never surrender even if he will lose. I think I may disagree with my dad, that is only part of being brave. I think a brave man will also admit if someone is stronger than him. However that might also be a smarter man.

My dad also said that a brave man will see the strengths of others and try to protect himself against it and use the weakness of others against them. However I would think that is kind of cowardly. I always hear that you aren't supposed to pick at peoples weaknesses. You have to strike them in there strongest part so you can learn from it and get stronger too.

The whole point of the Dauntless faction is to overcome cowardice but if you attack a person when they are weakest then aren't you a coward for not hitting them where they are stronger. I think so. To me bravery isn't just about not surrendering, it's about getting stronger and learning from others.

This is the point Veronica Roth wanted she wanted people to question morality and I am. I really recommend her book Divergent and it's sequel Insurgent, and her blog.

Interpreting Words (Words are Words)

My mom and I were having a conversation about what was a cuss word and what was not. Often my brother will ask my mom if a certain word is a cuss word or not, just because of the amount of letters that are in the word. Then when I was on Pinterest (dangerously addictive) I came across a picture that said when I'm drunk I use *f-word (*only it didn't say f-word) like it's a comma.

This all got me thinking. What exactly is a cuss word? Words are just that, words, you get to interpret them. The beauty of words is that the people giving and receiving them gets to decide what they mean. Example, I was watching Girl Code and they were discussing the word slut, the word slut can be used in a "fun way" or as an insult. My mom would disagree, slut is a cuss word to her.

Another point I thought of is the generation gap. My generation doesn't take words as seriously as we probably should. Cuss words don't have the same meaning to us as they would to our parents, because it's just some word that we fit into our sentence. Swearing isn't as big of a deal, and more words are being put into the not as serious category. Like the word slut or whore ect. Really these words aren't nice so ideally we shouldn't be saying them, but we do and people get hurt.

After I would say something mean to my brother, I would say that I was just kidding, or that it was a joke. Still what I said has already made damage and he might have taken it more literally than I meant him to, because of my angry tone. A lot depends on how you say a word. It's kind of like those commercials with the daughter yelling at the mom "THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU!" and the mom yelling back "I LOVE YOU TOO!" They both sound like they want to kill each other but they are saying that they love each other? What? If someone was yelling at me like that, no matter what they said I would probably take it as an insult.

You may often hear "words hurt" but that's not entirely true, the tone you use with them makes it really sting, it's not the words by themselves. Together words and tones can make and brake people. Something that you may have meant as a joke could be taken literally.

My lesson learned from all of this is that I'm going to be more careful in what I say. I am human and say the wrong things. All I'm left doing is wishing I could take things back, but I can't and I don't want to have to wish that anymore. "If you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all." I am going to take those beautiful words to heart.

Painting

I am finally painting my room! It hasn't been painted since I was in fourth grade, considering I'm going into my senior year (geesh I'm old) it's been a really long time. I think it's about time I take off the clouds on the popcorn ceiling.

I'm indecisive. So picking the right colors for my room is tough stuff. I really wanted to be able to draw on my walls, childish I know but fun, however chalk board paint is really really expensive. I went to Lowes and my mom was smart and asked if it would be possible to get the color I wanted in chalk board paint. The girl said no, then she said but "but the color you want is like chalk board paint and can be drawn on with a soft out door chalk." YAY!

So I did get the color Catwalk (turquoise) and Pebble Grey. And... because I'm a girl I got silver sparkles to lighten up the grey. Woot woot!

I did have to make sure that I would like my room so I went to this website about the Meaning of Colors. So I picked the color Catwalk (turquoise) so my room will calm me down and the Pebble Grey should also keep me calm. Hopefully everything turns out great and the silver sparkles will show up. :)

Team Camp and College

I haven't been on since I left for team camp and I just got back the 18th. I was planning on getting on sooner but I've been sleeping in. (Four days of volleyball is exhausting. So is staying but until the early hours of the morning and then getting up at six thirty.) Anyways I have learned from this team camp experience.

1. I've learned that not all dorm rooms are fantastic... or even good.
2. I've learned that I will definitely consider the quality of the dorms before I decide what college I will go to.
And... most importantly:
3.  I've learned that as a SENIOR I need to step it up and be more of a leader.

So you might be able to tell that the dorms we stayed at weren't all that great. (Especially considering that last years team camp we stayed at dorms that had a living room section.) For the first two days of team camp I was convinced that the I was going to get mesothelioma from the ceiling...

The college seemed great, but the dorms we stayed at obviously were not.

However I do have to keep an open mind because the rest of the dorm rooms won't have living rooms either. I have to make sure that the college I go to will have my option for my majors. Yes, I said major(ssssss). Today I have decided that I want to double major. This is big news (unless I change my mind) because I feel a step closer to my future. My career.

The best part about a double major is that it gives me options. Oh how I love options, because I am so indecisive. My future. My career. Options. Its perfect. For what might be the first time I am not absolutely terrified of the future. I am ready to embrace it.

A Changing Country

People are hard to change. That is that, if you don't believe me then try and change yourself, it's not that easy. Some people are easier to change than others yes, but the majority of people don't want to change so they won't. Think of trying to change a state. A country.


Not so easy right? Sure it's possible but you have to give it time. And, one of the most difficult things...freedom. You can't force people to change you have to give the freedom to change themselves. It's easier that way.

Why am I saying all of this?

Well because of some of the recent things that have been on the news.

America has come a very long way from where we were. I am sure that my grandma wouldn't have thought that in her lifetime she would witness the Civil Rights Era AND America having an African American president. It's amazing.

I hope that in my lifetime there will be no need for the NAACP (National Association for the Advancement of Colored People) because we will all look at each other as equals. No discrimination against minorities or majorities. We "...will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character". We are still working toward Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s goals that he gave in his I Have a Dream speech.

I personally think that we have come a long way. We can do better, yes, and we will do better but we should also praise how far we have come. Now, I cannot imagine having a separate bathroom just because of the color of a person's skin. I cannot imagine seeing people throwing food at people doing sit-ins, for something everyone should have, equal rights. I cannot imagine, a person being denied the right to their education, just because of the color of their skin. And most of all, I cannot imagine police officers turning on peaceful protesters.

But this all happened. And we have learned. And we will continue to learn. With time we will change.

Beauty

I am afraid of heights but today I rode the Ferris Wheel and yeah I loved it. (Even though it felt like my toes were going to fall off, because they feel like that when I'm nervous or scared...) But as I was sitting at the top looking over pretty much the entire town because it's that small, I couldn't stop smiling. It was breath-takingly beautiful.

"Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I never really thought of that tiny town, or a carnival as beautiful. Now I do. It's beautiful that at the carnival people talk to the person sitting next to them on the ride, if they know them or not. It's beautiful to see so many people smiling in one place. When it's dark and the colorful lights turn on, it's beautiful.

Maybe I'm just easily distracted by things, and everything catches my eye but I think that beauty is really all around us. It's not just in sunsets and beaches and stars it's anywhere we want to see it. Beauty isn't just nature, though that's easier to see, it's also skyscrapers and busy streets.

You may disagree with me, that's fine. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But still try to find something you think is beautiful because it's worth the smile.

Freak out

I am a worry wart. I'm freaking out over all of these "what if" scenarios, and I need to stop. Today I moped around like something disastrous happened, but the truth is everything is working out right now. But I have NOTHING to do. The problems of summer... Really the only problem is that I'm sitting, and that gives me time to think about those "what ifs" and most of them aren't good.

I guess I'm going in the right direction though because it's healthy to be nervous. Right? "If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough." Well mine scare me so I guess I'm okay. But I still don't want to freak out so much, it really takes a toll on a person.

I'm going to have to work on it. I guess that would give me something to do. The art of trying to stay calm.

Quotes

I just so happen to come across the following quotes and I had to write them down so I won't forget them:

"Hope is a walking dream."
-Aristotle

"Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; the merely determine where you start."
-Nido Qubien

"Stars can't shine without darkness."
-unknown

Comparing and Climbing

"Comparison is the thief of joy." I have that written down so I don't forget it because that is one of my biggest flaws. I constantly compare myself to other people. I compare what I do to what other people do. It's almost like everything is a competition, and I'm always losing. Even if I've started to get in the league I will find someone else to look at and compare myself to and that person is more experienced than me and better than me and I'm in last place again. Then my confidence is SMASHED like really good potatoes.

I look at whoever I'm comparing myself to like they are perfect, like they've never made a mistake, like they've never been on the bottom. Surely they've been where I am now? Surely they've looked up from the bottom of that little black hole and worked there way out. Right? But I don't get to see where they've started. They are noticed when they are at the top and I'm the one looking up to them. Then I am left trying to find how they got up there and I start. If I don't follow their path exactly I'm screwed.

That's just how I look at it.

But I'm trying to change that. I want to be up there, but I don't know how without watching others. Because I don't want to fall, and if I follow them exactly then I can't go wrong. That's not true. I am making a new rule to to this game of getting out of the bottom. Rule #1: Be me. Be original.

If someone else flies out then I have to do something different. If I'm not going to be original then I'm going to stay at the bottom. If I end up trying and falling then at least I found a way it won't work and I can pass that along to others and learn from it.

So really I've learned: I am my own person and I can't be anyone else so I am going to do things differently. I am going to do things my way. Most importantly I will not give up just because it didn't work the first time. I am only seventeen and I have my whole life to try to get out of that hole. So now I think I finally realized that I am a beginner and I can't compare myself to an expert. Not yet anyway. ;)

-Bay

Trying and Struggling

"Nothing worth it is ever easy and anything easy is not worth it." I keep having to tell myself that as I constantly struggle to be a better writer. Struggling sucks but it's necessary. Without struggle you can't really achieve anything. You never get better.

I want to get better, I just wish that there was a little less struggling. Maybe not struggling but sitting. Waiting. Right now I have to wait to know what to change and what not to change. What sucks and what's awesome. Or if it's just terrible in general...

I'm gonna have some more faith and say that it doesn't completely bite and I'm going to go out into this big world and find me a beta reader. Then I'm going to struggle as I sit and wait and pray that it is awesome and could one day in fact be something bigger and better...a book.

*Choir of Angels*

That's right, I wrote a manuscript in hopes that one day it would come out of it's cocoon and become a beautiful...book. :) It's nerve racking just to say the word book. I am terrified so I try to avoid the word book, or manuscript when possible and call it a story instead. These questions always come to mind when I hear the word book: What if I fail? What if it is awful? What if I suck?

Well I'll never know if I don't try. So I am stepping outside of my box and taking a leap of faith. If it needs fixed then I will fix it. I just have to remember as I'm falling to the unknown that it's worth a shot. If you don't try then you'll never know.

Veni Vidi Vici

Veni Vidi Vici (in Latin) means I came I saw I conquered.

Conquered sounds so brute but hey it sounds good in Latin. I used this translation first because it sounds awesome, second, because I'm leaving New Orleans tomorrow so it kind of applies. Everything except conquered. I don't think you could say I conquered anything, and after watching the movie at the WWII muesem I don't think I would want to conquere anything. Conquering things means conflict, sometimes unnecessary conflict.

Millions of people died because tyrant leaders wanted to conquere the world, causing WWII. In the end of the movie at the WWII muesem I walked out rethinking the Allies status of winning WWII, not because they didn't get what they were aiming for but because they lost so much. Yes they saved many lives but what about all the lives they had to lose, just to win. All that was left was a path of destruction that had to be cleaned up. No one wins. All of this could have been avoided if people weren't being greedy and trying to conquere the world in their own names. If things were left alone, we would not have to hear horrific stories of concentration camps or POW camps.

Thus I'm changing the quote, and for good reason I think. I don't think the idea of conquering the world is right, I want to live a full life and enjoy all my time and I want other's to enjoy their time too. I want to honor all of the lives ever lived (and to live) because there has to be some amount of good in even the most evil person. So in Latin (because Latin is way cooler) Veni Vidi Vixi which means I came I saw I (have) lived.

Time Travel

Sadly there are no time machines, but as I was walking through The French Quarter in New Orleans I didn't feel like I needed one. It was amazing how the buildings could still look dated but have a modern edge to them. (The modern edge being air conditioning and a fresh coat of paint.) Walking through The French Quarter is the closest thing to time travel I will ever get. Awe the beauty of walking through history. It's ssssooooo much better than walking through a museum because you don't have to stop and read another card about why that pen is significant to history. No you are walking through history and you can listen to the stories people know about certain buildings. You can touch things! Granted it's a brick wall, but usually you don't get to touch things in museums.

The shops some of them look old and have that vintage vibe that makes you think about what it would be like to live in that time period. However some of the shops are just plain stores that have hats in them...but some of them are the Voodoo shops. Scary I know, but so tempting. I had to drag my family into some after my dad's speech, "You don't mess with Voodoo." (Modified version.) Those shops are really fun, and they smell good which is a plus side because some parts of the city reek of rotting garbage. The French Market is awesome. I have to say that I was tempted into getting a mask and it is cute. I did want a Voodoo doll but my request was denied. Maybe I will get a Voodoo doll on Tuesday... Or an old feather pen with a cup of ink! Nerdy I know, but so cool!

I love the old timey feeling I get when I write with a calligraphy pen I can't imagine having to dip my pen into ink! That feeling is like time travel. It makes you think more about how things were and what you would have done. Speaking of which tomorrow we will be going on a swamp tour and a plantation house tour. Walking through the plantation house will take me back to the past. I'm sure I will cringe when I see the bowl that they would keep under there bed as a toilet. I always do. In that case I am glad we don't have time travel machines because I don't think I could hover over a pot in the middle of the night.

Vacation 2013 day 2

Louisiana

I think a lot of things are amazing. It's true. But as we were driving down to New Orleans I actually peeled my eyes away from my laptop and looked out the window to see that we were on a bridge. Okay I know it doesn't sound very exciting, but the bridge had to go on for miles. That is amazing. It is I know. If you think about how long it would take to build a bridge that would go on for miles it wows you even more. Not only did the bridges go on for miles and miles but there were houses below us. Houses that could rise if the water rose. It is definitely nothing I've ever seen before so my mind is blown. I wish I took pictures, but it was too mesmerizing for me to even think about taking a picture. :(

Vacation 2013

Duck Dynasty

I love the show Duck Dynasty and I am lucky enough that we are in the area for our family vacation as we make our way down to New Orleans. So tomorrow we will be driving to Duck Commander. Which is one of the highlights of our family vacation this year. And if I might add, I think it's a pretty good highlight.
Duck Dynasty is hilarious and well...it's just so funny (not to mention it doesn't have any foul language which is hard to find these days).Occasionally my brother will walk up to me and quote Si, so going here for vacation is a big deal.
I'm stoked. I think we are all stoked. It will be even more amazing if we just so happen to meet Si or Willy. Miracles can happen right?