Today was a great day for writing. I sat down and I actually wrote! Can you imagine that? Not only am I writing the next part to this story but I'm still critiquing the first part of the story which is great! I am getting things done. I'm not just sitting around (well I am sitting) and doing nothing (but I'm definitely doing things besides clicking the remote button).
I rediscovered a song (Gone, Gone, Gone by Phillip Phillips) that is really pushing me to get to a certain point in this story, because all I want to do is write it down. I want it to spill onto the page, but I can't let it until I get to that point, and I'm still not there yet. I keep listening to that song and I get more excited each time I hear it.
To the point where I'm like: "Ugh! The suspense is killing me!" Then I have to stop and think about what will happen when I get to that point, and I just let it all replay in my mind. Like a movie. (Honestly the books are better than the movie because you get to picture it how you want it. Seriously, read the books.)
So, anyway, I am at the point where I still see all of these flaws in this story, but now I don't look at it like, wow this totally blows. I see it more as, wow I came this far I can go a little further. The best part about finding the flaws is that if I just drop that section completely it will help the story in a different section. It's all connected.
"That's more connections than the human brain." -Avatar (The blue people one not The Last Air bender.)
However that's an exaggeration because my story doesn't have quite that many connections... Anyways it still works and maybe even better than before. So today was a pretty good day! And with all of these connections, I hope I can pass that good day to you. ;)
-Bay
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Sunday, July 28, 2013
An Act of Bravery
"'A brave man acknowledges the strengths of others,' Four replies.
'A brave man never surrenders.'"
-Divergent by Veronica Roth
I guess you could kind of say that I obsess over this book. It has some pretty good messages, and it really makes you think--think about selfishness, bravery, honesty, pride, cruelty and so much more.
Right now I am questioning who is right, Four or Eric? As I was reading the book (for the tenth time) in the car I asked the question of who is right. My dad replied that a brave man will never surrender even if he will lose. I think I may disagree with my dad, that is only part of being brave. I think a brave man will also admit if someone is stronger than him. However that might also be a smarter man.
My dad also said that a brave man will see the strengths of others and try to protect himself against it and use the weakness of others against them. However I would think that is kind of cowardly. I always hear that you aren't supposed to pick at peoples weaknesses. You have to strike them in there strongest part so you can learn from it and get stronger too.
The whole point of the Dauntless faction is to overcome cowardice but if you attack a person when they are weakest then aren't you a coward for not hitting them where they are stronger. I think so. To me bravery isn't just about not surrendering, it's about getting stronger and learning from others.
This is the point Veronica Roth wanted she wanted people to question morality and I am. I really recommend her book Divergent and it's sequel Insurgent, and her blog.
'A brave man never surrenders.'"
-Divergent by Veronica Roth
I guess you could kind of say that I obsess over this book. It has some pretty good messages, and it really makes you think--think about selfishness, bravery, honesty, pride, cruelty and so much more.
Right now I am questioning who is right, Four or Eric? As I was reading the book (for the tenth time) in the car I asked the question of who is right. My dad replied that a brave man will never surrender even if he will lose. I think I may disagree with my dad, that is only part of being brave. I think a brave man will also admit if someone is stronger than him. However that might also be a smarter man.
My dad also said that a brave man will see the strengths of others and try to protect himself against it and use the weakness of others against them. However I would think that is kind of cowardly. I always hear that you aren't supposed to pick at peoples weaknesses. You have to strike them in there strongest part so you can learn from it and get stronger too.
The whole point of the Dauntless faction is to overcome cowardice but if you attack a person when they are weakest then aren't you a coward for not hitting them where they are stronger. I think so. To me bravery isn't just about not surrendering, it's about getting stronger and learning from others.
This is the point Veronica Roth wanted she wanted people to question morality and I am. I really recommend her book Divergent and it's sequel Insurgent, and her blog.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Interpreting Words (Words are Words)
My mom and I were having a conversation about what was a cuss word and what was not. Often my brother will ask my mom if a certain word is a cuss word or not, just because of the amount of letters that are in the word. Then when I was on Pinterest (dangerously addictive) I came across a picture that said when I'm drunk I use *f-word (*only it didn't say f-word) like it's a comma.
This all got me thinking. What exactly is a cuss word? Words are just that, words, you get to interpret them. The beauty of words is that the people giving and receiving them gets to decide what they mean. Example, I was watching Girl Code and they were discussing the word slut, the word slut can be used in a "fun way" or as an insult. My mom would disagree, slut is a cuss word to her.
Another point I thought of is the generation gap. My generation doesn't take words as seriously as we probably should. Cuss words don't have the same meaning to us as they would to our parents, because it's just some word that we fit into our sentence. Swearing isn't as big of a deal, and more words are being put into the not as serious category. Like the word slut or whore ect. Really these words aren't nice so ideally we shouldn't be saying them, but we do and people get hurt.
After I would say something mean to my brother, I would say that I was just kidding, or that it was a joke. Still what I said has already made damage and he might have taken it more literally than I meant him to, because of my angry tone. A lot depends on how you say a word. It's kind of like those commercials with the daughter yelling at the mom "THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU!" and the mom yelling back "I LOVE YOU TOO!" They both sound like they want to kill each other but they are saying that they love each other? What? If someone was yelling at me like that, no matter what they said I would probably take it as an insult.
You may often hear "words hurt" but that's not entirely true, the tone you use with them makes it really sting, it's not the words by themselves. Together words and tones can make and brake people. Something that you may have meant as a joke could be taken literally.
My lesson learned from all of this is that I'm going to be more careful in what I say. I am human and say the wrong things. All I'm left doing is wishing I could take things back, but I can't and I don't want to have to wish that anymore. "If you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all." I am going to take those beautiful words to heart.
This all got me thinking. What exactly is a cuss word? Words are just that, words, you get to interpret them. The beauty of words is that the people giving and receiving them gets to decide what they mean. Example, I was watching Girl Code and they were discussing the word slut, the word slut can be used in a "fun way" or as an insult. My mom would disagree, slut is a cuss word to her.
Another point I thought of is the generation gap. My generation doesn't take words as seriously as we probably should. Cuss words don't have the same meaning to us as they would to our parents, because it's just some word that we fit into our sentence. Swearing isn't as big of a deal, and more words are being put into the not as serious category. Like the word slut or whore ect. Really these words aren't nice so ideally we shouldn't be saying them, but we do and people get hurt.
After I would say something mean to my brother, I would say that I was just kidding, or that it was a joke. Still what I said has already made damage and he might have taken it more literally than I meant him to, because of my angry tone. A lot depends on how you say a word. It's kind of like those commercials with the daughter yelling at the mom "THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU!" and the mom yelling back "I LOVE YOU TOO!" They both sound like they want to kill each other but they are saying that they love each other? What? If someone was yelling at me like that, no matter what they said I would probably take it as an insult.
You may often hear "words hurt" but that's not entirely true, the tone you use with them makes it really sting, it's not the words by themselves. Together words and tones can make and brake people. Something that you may have meant as a joke could be taken literally.
My lesson learned from all of this is that I'm going to be more careful in what I say. I am human and say the wrong things. All I'm left doing is wishing I could take things back, but I can't and I don't want to have to wish that anymore. "If you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all." I am going to take those beautiful words to heart.
Monday, July 22, 2013
Painting
I am finally painting my room! It hasn't been painted since I was in fourth grade, considering I'm going into my senior year (geesh I'm old) it's been a really long time. I think it's about time I take off the clouds on the popcorn ceiling.
I'm indecisive. So picking the right colors for my room is tough stuff. I really wanted to be able to draw on my walls, childish I know but fun, however chalk board paint is really really expensive. I went to Lowes and my mom was smart and asked if it would be possible to get the color I wanted in chalk board paint. The girl said no, then she said but "but the color you want is like chalk board paint and can be drawn on with a soft out door chalk." YAY!
So I did get the color Catwalk (turquoise) and Pebble Grey. And... because I'm a girl I got silver sparkles to lighten up the grey. Woot woot!
I did have to make sure that I would like my room so I went to this website about the Meaning of Colors. So I picked the color Catwalk (turquoise) so my room will calm me down and the Pebble Grey should also keep me calm. Hopefully everything turns out great and the silver sparkles will show up. :)
I'm indecisive. So picking the right colors for my room is tough stuff. I really wanted to be able to draw on my walls, childish I know but fun, however chalk board paint is really really expensive. I went to Lowes and my mom was smart and asked if it would be possible to get the color I wanted in chalk board paint. The girl said no, then she said but "but the color you want is like chalk board paint and can be drawn on with a soft out door chalk." YAY!
So I did get the color Catwalk (turquoise) and Pebble Grey. And... because I'm a girl I got silver sparkles to lighten up the grey. Woot woot!
I did have to make sure that I would like my room so I went to this website about the Meaning of Colors. So I picked the color Catwalk (turquoise) so my room will calm me down and the Pebble Grey should also keep me calm. Hopefully everything turns out great and the silver sparkles will show up. :)
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Team Camp and College
I haven't been on since I left for team camp and I just got back the 18th. I was planning on getting on sooner but I've been sleeping in. (Four days of volleyball is exhausting. So is staying but until the early hours of the morning and then getting up at six thirty.) Anyways I have learned from this team camp experience.
1. I've learned that not all dorm rooms are fantastic... or even good.
2. I've learned that I will definitely consider the quality of the dorms before I decide what college I will go to.
And... most importantly:
3. I've learned that as a SENIOR I need to step it up and be more of a leader.
So you might be able to tell that the dorms we stayed at weren't all that great. (Especially considering that last years team camp we stayed at dorms that had a living room section.) For the first two days of team camp I was convinced that the I was going to get mesothelioma from the ceiling...
The college seemed great, but the dorms we stayed at obviously were not.
However I do have to keep an open mind because the rest of the dorm rooms won't have living rooms either. I have to make sure that the college I go to will have my option for my majors. Yes, I said major(ssssss). Today I have decided that I want to double major. This is big news (unless I change my mind) because I feel a step closer to my future. My career.
The best part about a double major is that it gives me options. Oh how I love options, because I am so indecisive. My future. My career. Options. Its perfect. For what might be the first time I am not absolutely terrified of the future. I am ready to embrace it.
1. I've learned that not all dorm rooms are fantastic... or even good.
2. I've learned that I will definitely consider the quality of the dorms before I decide what college I will go to.
And... most importantly:
3. I've learned that as a SENIOR I need to step it up and be more of a leader.
So you might be able to tell that the dorms we stayed at weren't all that great. (Especially considering that last years team camp we stayed at dorms that had a living room section.) For the first two days of team camp I was convinced that the I was going to get mesothelioma from the ceiling...
The college seemed great, but the dorms we stayed at obviously were not.
However I do have to keep an open mind because the rest of the dorm rooms won't have living rooms either. I have to make sure that the college I go to will have my option for my majors. Yes, I said major(ssssss). Today I have decided that I want to double major. This is big news (unless I change my mind) because I feel a step closer to my future. My career.
The best part about a double major is that it gives me options. Oh how I love options, because I am so indecisive. My future. My career. Options. Its perfect. For what might be the first time I am not absolutely terrified of the future. I am ready to embrace it.
Monday, July 15, 2013
A Changing Country
People are hard to change. That is that, if you don't believe me then try and change yourself, it's not that easy. Some people are easier to change than others yes, but the majority of people don't want to change so they won't. Think of trying to change a state. A country.
Not so easy right? Sure it's possible but you have to give it time. And, one of the most difficult things...freedom. You can't force people to change you have to give the freedom to change themselves. It's easier that way.
Why am I saying all of this?
Well because of some of the recent things that have been on the news.
America has come a very long way from where we were. I am sure that my grandma wouldn't have thought that in her lifetime she would witness the Civil Rights Era AND America having an African American president. It's amazing.
I hope that in my lifetime there will be no need for the NAACP (National Association for the Advancement of Colored People) because we will all look at each other as equals. No discrimination against minorities or majorities. We "...will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character". We are still working toward Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s goals that he gave in his I Have a Dream speech.
I personally think that we have come a long way. We can do better, yes, and we will do better but we should also praise how far we have come. Now, I cannot imagine having a separate bathroom just because of the color of a person's skin. I cannot imagine seeing people throwing food at people doing sit-ins, for something everyone should have, equal rights. I cannot imagine, a person being denied the right to their education, just because of the color of their skin. And most of all, I cannot imagine police officers turning on peaceful protesters.
But this all happened. And we have learned. And we will continue to learn. With time we will change.
Not so easy right? Sure it's possible but you have to give it time. And, one of the most difficult things...freedom. You can't force people to change you have to give the freedom to change themselves. It's easier that way.
Why am I saying all of this?
Well because of some of the recent things that have been on the news.
America has come a very long way from where we were. I am sure that my grandma wouldn't have thought that in her lifetime she would witness the Civil Rights Era AND America having an African American president. It's amazing.
I hope that in my lifetime there will be no need for the NAACP (National Association for the Advancement of Colored People) because we will all look at each other as equals. No discrimination against minorities or majorities. We "...will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character". We are still working toward Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s goals that he gave in his I Have a Dream speech.
I personally think that we have come a long way. We can do better, yes, and we will do better but we should also praise how far we have come. Now, I cannot imagine having a separate bathroom just because of the color of a person's skin. I cannot imagine seeing people throwing food at people doing sit-ins, for something everyone should have, equal rights. I cannot imagine, a person being denied the right to their education, just because of the color of their skin. And most of all, I cannot imagine police officers turning on peaceful protesters.
But this all happened. And we have learned. And we will continue to learn. With time we will change.
Friday, July 12, 2013
Beauty
I am afraid of heights but today I rode the Ferris Wheel and yeah I loved it. (Even though it felt like my toes were going to fall off, because they feel like that when I'm nervous or scared...) But as I was sitting at the top looking over pretty much the entire town because it's that small, I couldn't stop smiling. It was breath-takingly beautiful.
"Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
I never really thought of that tiny town, or a carnival as beautiful. Now I do. It's beautiful that at the carnival people talk to the person sitting next to them on the ride, if they know them or not. It's beautiful to see so many people smiling in one place. When it's dark and the colorful lights turn on, it's beautiful.
Maybe I'm just easily distracted by things, and everything catches my eye but I think that beauty is really all around us. It's not just in sunsets and beaches and stars it's anywhere we want to see it. Beauty isn't just nature, though that's easier to see, it's also skyscrapers and busy streets.
You may disagree with me, that's fine. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But still try to find something you think is beautiful because it's worth the smile.
"Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
I never really thought of that tiny town, or a carnival as beautiful. Now I do. It's beautiful that at the carnival people talk to the person sitting next to them on the ride, if they know them or not. It's beautiful to see so many people smiling in one place. When it's dark and the colorful lights turn on, it's beautiful.
Maybe I'm just easily distracted by things, and everything catches my eye but I think that beauty is really all around us. It's not just in sunsets and beaches and stars it's anywhere we want to see it. Beauty isn't just nature, though that's easier to see, it's also skyscrapers and busy streets.
You may disagree with me, that's fine. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But still try to find something you think is beautiful because it's worth the smile.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Freak out
I am a worry wart. I'm freaking out over all of these "what if" scenarios, and I need to stop. Today I moped around like something disastrous happened, but the truth is everything is working out right now. But I have NOTHING to do. The problems of summer... Really the only problem is that I'm sitting, and that gives me time to think about those "what ifs" and most of them aren't good.
I guess I'm going in the right direction though because it's healthy to be nervous. Right? "If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough." Well mine scare me so I guess I'm okay. But I still don't want to freak out so much, it really takes a toll on a person.
I'm going to have to work on it. I guess that would give me something to do. The art of trying to stay calm.
I guess I'm going in the right direction though because it's healthy to be nervous. Right? "If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough." Well mine scare me so I guess I'm okay. But I still don't want to freak out so much, it really takes a toll on a person.
I'm going to have to work on it. I guess that would give me something to do. The art of trying to stay calm.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Quotes
I just so happen to come across the following quotes and I had to write them down so I won't forget them:
"Hope is a walking dream."
-Aristotle
"Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; the merely determine where you start."
-Nido Qubien
"Stars can't shine without darkness."
-unknown
"Hope is a walking dream."
-Aristotle
"Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; the merely determine where you start."
-Nido Qubien
"Stars can't shine without darkness."
-unknown
Monday, July 8, 2013
Comparing and Climbing
"Comparison is the thief of joy." I have that written down so I don't forget it because that is one of my biggest flaws. I constantly compare myself to other people. I compare what I do to what other people do. It's almost like everything is a competition, and I'm always losing. Even if I've started to get in the league I will find someone else to look at and compare myself to and that person is more experienced than me and better than me and I'm in last place again. Then my confidence is SMASHED like really good potatoes.
I look at whoever I'm comparing myself to like they are perfect, like they've never made a mistake, like they've never been on the bottom. Surely they've been where I am now? Surely they've looked up from the bottom of that little black hole and worked there way out. Right? But I don't get to see where they've started. They are noticed when they are at the top and I'm the one looking up to them. Then I am left trying to find how they got up there and I start. If I don't follow their path exactly I'm screwed.
That's just how I look at it.
But I'm trying to change that. I want to be up there, but I don't know how without watching others. Because I don't want to fall, and if I follow them exactly then I can't go wrong. That's not true. I am making a new rule to to this game of getting out of the bottom. Rule #1: Be me. Be original.
If someone else flies out then I have to do something different. If I'm not going to be original then I'm going to stay at the bottom. If I end up trying and falling then at least I found a way it won't work and I can pass that along to others and learn from it.
So really I've learned: I am my own person and I can't be anyone else so I am going to do things differently. I am going to do things my way. Most importantly I will not give up just because it didn't work the first time. I am only seventeen and I have my whole life to try to get out of that hole. So now I think I finally realized that I am a beginner and I can't compare myself to an expert. Not yet anyway. ;)
-Bay
I look at whoever I'm comparing myself to like they are perfect, like they've never made a mistake, like they've never been on the bottom. Surely they've been where I am now? Surely they've looked up from the bottom of that little black hole and worked there way out. Right? But I don't get to see where they've started. They are noticed when they are at the top and I'm the one looking up to them. Then I am left trying to find how they got up there and I start. If I don't follow their path exactly I'm screwed.
That's just how I look at it.
But I'm trying to change that. I want to be up there, but I don't know how without watching others. Because I don't want to fall, and if I follow them exactly then I can't go wrong. That's not true. I am making a new rule to to this game of getting out of the bottom. Rule #1: Be me. Be original.
If someone else flies out then I have to do something different. If I'm not going to be original then I'm going to stay at the bottom. If I end up trying and falling then at least I found a way it won't work and I can pass that along to others and learn from it.
So really I've learned: I am my own person and I can't be anyone else so I am going to do things differently. I am going to do things my way. Most importantly I will not give up just because it didn't work the first time. I am only seventeen and I have my whole life to try to get out of that hole. So now I think I finally realized that I am a beginner and I can't compare myself to an expert. Not yet anyway. ;)
-Bay
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Trying and Struggling
"Nothing worth it is ever easy and anything easy is not worth it." I keep having to tell myself that as I constantly struggle to be a better writer. Struggling sucks but it's necessary. Without struggle you can't really achieve anything. You never get better.
I want to get better, I just wish that there was a little less struggling. Maybe not struggling but sitting. Waiting. Right now I have to wait to know what to change and what not to change. What sucks and what's awesome. Or if it's just terrible in general...
I'm gonna have some more faith and say that it doesn't completely bite and I'm going to go out into this big world and find me a beta reader. Then I'm going to struggle as I sit and wait and pray that it is awesome and could one day in fact be something bigger and better...a book.
*Choir of Angels*
That's right, I wrote a manuscript in hopes that one day it would come out of it's cocoon and become a beautiful...book. :) It's nerve racking just to say the word book. I am terrified so I try to avoid the word book, or manuscript when possible and call it a story instead. These questions always come to mind when I hear the word book: What if I fail? What if it is awful? What if I suck?
Well I'll never know if I don't try. So I am stepping outside of my box and taking a leap of faith. If it needs fixed then I will fix it. I just have to remember as I'm falling to the unknown that it's worth a shot. If you don't try then you'll never know.
I want to get better, I just wish that there was a little less struggling. Maybe not struggling but sitting. Waiting. Right now I have to wait to know what to change and what not to change. What sucks and what's awesome. Or if it's just terrible in general...
I'm gonna have some more faith and say that it doesn't completely bite and I'm going to go out into this big world and find me a beta reader. Then I'm going to struggle as I sit and wait and pray that it is awesome and could one day in fact be something bigger and better...a book.
*Choir of Angels*
That's right, I wrote a manuscript in hopes that one day it would come out of it's cocoon and become a beautiful...book. :) It's nerve racking just to say the word book. I am terrified so I try to avoid the word book, or manuscript when possible and call it a story instead. These questions always come to mind when I hear the word book: What if I fail? What if it is awful? What if I suck?
Well I'll never know if I don't try. So I am stepping outside of my box and taking a leap of faith. If it needs fixed then I will fix it. I just have to remember as I'm falling to the unknown that it's worth a shot. If you don't try then you'll never know.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Veni Vidi Vici
Veni Vidi Vici (in Latin) means I came I saw I conquered.
Conquered sounds so brute but hey it sounds good in Latin. I used this translation first because it sounds awesome, second, because I'm leaving New Orleans tomorrow so it kind of applies. Everything except conquered. I don't think you could say I conquered anything, and after watching the movie at the WWII muesem I don't think I would want to conquere anything. Conquering things means conflict, sometimes unnecessary conflict.
Millions of people died because tyrant leaders wanted to conquere the world, causing WWII. In the end of the movie at the WWII muesem I walked out rethinking the Allies status of winning WWII, not because they didn't get what they were aiming for but because they lost so much. Yes they saved many lives but what about all the lives they had to lose, just to win. All that was left was a path of destruction that had to be cleaned up. No one wins. All of this could have been avoided if people weren't being greedy and trying to conquere the world in their own names. If things were left alone, we would not have to hear horrific stories of concentration camps or POW camps.
Thus I'm changing the quote, and for good reason I think. I don't think the idea of conquering the world is right, I want to live a full life and enjoy all my time and I want other's to enjoy their time too. I want to honor all of the lives ever lived (and to live) because there has to be some amount of good in even the most evil person. So in Latin (because Latin is way cooler) Veni Vidi Vixi which means I came I saw I (have) lived.
Conquered sounds so brute but hey it sounds good in Latin. I used this translation first because it sounds awesome, second, because I'm leaving New Orleans tomorrow so it kind of applies. Everything except conquered. I don't think you could say I conquered anything, and after watching the movie at the WWII muesem I don't think I would want to conquere anything. Conquering things means conflict, sometimes unnecessary conflict.
Millions of people died because tyrant leaders wanted to conquere the world, causing WWII. In the end of the movie at the WWII muesem I walked out rethinking the Allies status of winning WWII, not because they didn't get what they were aiming for but because they lost so much. Yes they saved many lives but what about all the lives they had to lose, just to win. All that was left was a path of destruction that had to be cleaned up. No one wins. All of this could have been avoided if people weren't being greedy and trying to conquere the world in their own names. If things were left alone, we would not have to hear horrific stories of concentration camps or POW camps.
Thus I'm changing the quote, and for good reason I think. I don't think the idea of conquering the world is right, I want to live a full life and enjoy all my time and I want other's to enjoy their time too. I want to honor all of the lives ever lived (and to live) because there has to be some amount of good in even the most evil person. So in Latin (because Latin is way cooler) Veni Vidi Vixi which means I came I saw I (have) lived.
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