The Definition of Success

"Joy is the essence of success."

This is from my wonderful yogi tea again, but this time I wholly agree. I often catch myself thinking about the future, about where I want to be later in my life, about success in general. But I'm always caught on this key question: how do I define success?

I've been told many times that I have high expectations. However, there are so many possibilities; how could I not expect great things. As long as I follow through with these expectations then I know I will be successful.

What if I don't? Am I still successful?

Success shouldn't be defined by the size of a persons house, or the money in a person wallet. The definition of success varies from person to person; for some, success is defined by money and houses but for others success is defined by relationships.

As I think of how to define success I've decided that experiences and knowledge define success. Relationships define success. Contentment defines success.

In my definition college is making me successful. Not because its a way to earn more money but because of the experience I have here. Because of the friends I'm making here. Because in college I am learning how to handle myself.

And that is how I am becoming a successful person.

An Anxious Mind

I have some wonderful tea that leaves thoughtful quotes. As I poured my energizing tea today, I pondered upon a quote that I strongly, very strongly disagree with.

"A relaxed mind is a creative mind."

The reason I disagree with this quote is because, as an aspiring author, I pay attention to the life authors led/lead. I would say that some of the greatest most creative minds were anything but relaxed.

relaxed

1.

being free of or relieved from tension or anxiety:

in a relaxed mood.

In fact many artists, including writers, suffer from things such as depression and anxiety. Maybe that is what makes the greats so great. Maybe the depression that taunted Edgar Allan Poe was the reason he could write such amazingly dark poetry. Perhaps the failure for F. Scott Fitzgerald to "relax" is what gave him the ability to write THE GREAT GATSBY.

Relaxing is not creative, it does not bring ideas about, it does not draw worlds inside of a persons soul, because none of those things are for us, for the person they belong to. Those ideas, those worlds are for themselves and they engross themselves inside a person, which is anything but relaxing. If relaxing resulted in creativity then the artist would relax for their work and not just for those short moments of self-preservation.

There are so many artists/writers/creators that suffer from the tension that is left in their minds after the artwork is no longer stored their. When their creations see sun light, more tension pulls them every which way. Veronica Roth, author of DIVERGENT, felt so anxious with all the comments on her blog that she felt the need to turn off the comment option.

I refuse to believe that the author of a bestselling dystopian series, by the age of twenty-four, is not creative because she get's anxious.

As much as an author would like to be relaxed, it is so hard. As we build stories, people, lives, we decide what our characters should be as if it weren't hard enough already deciding who we should be; deciding to take a chance on a piece of ourselves. We are creative, because there is simply no other way to be. But we are also taut with emotion, afraid that the piece of us we want to break away, to see sunlight, never will; we are anxious, but that does not mean we are less creative.

Never a Life Alone

Most everyone has heard by now about Robin Williams passing. As I scrolled through Facebook I saw many people that were taking time to remember him. His death came as a surprise, to me and many more. Many people admired him and I can't help but think that if he'd have known how deeply he is missed that he would still be here today.

It doesn't matter where a person stands in this life, whether they are in a million dollar house or in a rental house; with a significant other or a cat; an education or a job. Wherever a person stands they can still stand alone.

There are a lot of people in this world but it is still easy to feel erased, blended into them, alone. Especially when it is so easy to say cruel words, that poison us, rather than the loving words that give us life. Loneliness is so much easier with the absence of kind words which seem to be the hardest of all to say.

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, its not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone."
-Robin Williams

Looking down on the world now I don't think Robin Williams could ever feel alone. The enormous amount of people that admired and idolized him could have been a reason for him to keep going.

"No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world."
-Robin Williams

So maybe one letter, one card would have changed his mind. Maybe one person's thought of him could change his mind; could have changed his world.

From this possibility no matter how small, I've decided that one letter should be given to my idols, all my idols, famous or not, close or not. I want my idols to know that I am here looking up to them, that people will be there for them. Everyone should know that no matter how difficult life may be they never have to face it alone. Though there are evils in this world there are still caring people here too.

The Polite Policy

There is a constant struggle that I see in society. Some people might not see it as a struggle, maybe that's just me, because society has had this polite policy for as long as I've been alive, really longer. But I am going to use a great quote (of course!) that is in DIVERGENT by Veronica Roth.

 "Mom used to say that politeness is deception in pretty packaging."

When I first read that I thought it was the weirdest thing I've ever read. Politeness was (is) something I want to stand by. It's classy, to be polite. Right? Right. I want to be a classy lady.

But I've also heard that old saying "The truth will set you free" and whatnot. I want to be free. Maybe it's me being one of those stupid teenagers but freedom is something that just gets to me. It's so appealing, and not just to me, to a lot of people, I mean that's what America is all about, right? Freedom! Yeah..

But society relies on kindness. People expect, or at least hope, that others will be kind to them. And the truth is not always kind. Society wants people to be polite, like children are raised to say please and thank you, even though they may not always stick with it. Politeness relies on saying "nice to meet you" even when it may not be that pleasant to meet someone. Politeness relies on apologies when you've done something wrong, even if you aren't truly sorry. Society relies on politeness and politeness often relies on those little white lies.

I don't want to be told those little white lies anymore. I want to be set free, I want to know the truth. I want to know when my writing sucks, when I have something in my teeth, when my fly is unzipped, when someone isn't sorry. All of those impolite things that you can't say, just tell me because maybe I can fix it, and if not I can deal with it. But one thing is absolutely for sure: I cannot fix anything, if I don't know that it's a problem.

The truth will set me free, and on the other side of freedom lies possibilities. I think that those possibilities are going to feel a lot better later than any white lie will in the moment.

So what will you choose? Politeness or Truth? I'm eager to know.

Failure, Thank You

I am a failure. I fail when I don't get my homework done when I want, or especially how I want. I fail if I don't understand something the way it should be. I fail because of expectations. Failure is totally okay. Expectations...probably not so much.

Okay so, people in general have expectations, whether that's of themselves, of others, or how things  should work. Rarely does anything play out how anyone expects. Their is always some hamartia that throws a curveball and makes you second guess what you already had planned out. And it truly is a hamartia because usually expectations are grand, spectacular, anything and everything you ever wanted to happen but because of that one flaw, tragedy strikes and expectations plummet.

And you feel like you are lucky just to get out of the chaos of failure with two feet. That is me on, a weekly basis, no a daily basis; fighting off the suffocation of failure. Everyone fights failure...though they may feel it in different ways. Sometimes that failure can turn into fear, like mine has. That's why it's okay to be a failure, because without facing that fear then I couldn't grow.

Thomas Edison said, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

So basically when a person fails, they aren't ever really failing. They are only finding flaws. The only thing that fails is their expectation, that is the most painful part.

Another amazing quote: "Fall down seven times, stand up eight."

Expectations can fail. They will fail. Almost always. However that doesn't mean that you fail. Not totally. You fail once, you try again. Try until it works. Fail until you win. We can't be winners every day, but there will come a time when we won't fail and something will work. That day when you finally win you will look back at failure, and you will be thankful. You'll be thankful that you worked against failure, that you worked to get so far. Failure isn't as brutal as it seems, it makes you work, and push and prove yourself.

I am a failure. I am okay with it. Failure will pay off. I will stumble and fall but failure will not be the death of me. Failure is just the beginning.

A World Remembering Scars

I finished THE FAULT IN OUR STARS by John Green (another AMAZING author) and I'm going to admit that I cried. I find it hard to believe that anyone can read that book without crying. That book was seriously one of the most heart wrenching books I've ever read.

I knew what was coming when I started to read it, but still it had a way of making me...feel. I felt the pain with Hazel and Augustus, and even though I didn't want to feel that pain, I read on and felt it anyway; realizing all along that even though this book is fiction it has some truth in it.

It made me accept the truth and that is still the hardest part. Oblivion is inevitable. Someday, everything and everyone I know will just simply end. And I can't help but just feel erased from a place that I was so much a part of.

BUT.

Yes there is a but. But at the end of the book, the pain settles, and I think it's because Hazel is wrong. Well she's right, but she's still wrong... Let me explain.

Yes, everything and everyone I was ever attached to will be gone someday, but I'd like to think that it won't matter so much because I'll be gone too. I remember Hazel saying something along the lines of no one can live in a person's memory forever because those people will die too. However, memories can turn into stories and stories can be passed on.

It may not matter that no one remembers who Shakespeare's muse was for Sonnet Fifty-five, because Shakespeare remembered, and he wrote it down, and that Sonnet carries his memory for him. That person is forever embedded into the words Shakespeare wrote even if they did not contain a name. As long as Shakespeare cared enough to write, Sonnet Fifty-five is all that mattered to that person.

Perhaps the most important thing that a person leaves behind is the bond of another. They may not leave a mark on everyone in this world, but that is okay because those marks are more often "scars." It does not matter how many people you touch so much as the way you make them feel. In this crazy world we remember more hideous names than beautiful ones, so rarely we remember the people that were gentle enough not to scar the world. We remember names like Hitler, or Stalin, or Saddam Hussein, and less people remember the names of the beautiful gentle souls like Anne Frank or Harriet Tubman.

So I've decided that when I die, I don't want people to just remember my name, or what I've done but I want them to remember how I made them feel. And when their memories wear thin, I can settle and watch the world pass knowing that I did not scar the world by trying to make one grand difference in a desperate attempt of remembrance, but I slowly impacted the world by impacting one person in a beautifully gentle way.

The THOUGHT that COUNTS

Christmas shopping is so hard. It's not about the thoughts anymore, it's about how much for what. The thought just isn't there.

I even catch myself thinking, I don't know what to get them; should I just get them this? That is thoughtless. Reflecting on myself I think it's pretty rude. Do I not know my friends and family well enough to get them a present that they will enjoy? Or is it just too much of a burden to actually think about a person?

Even if someone celebrates Christmas because of the gifts, wouldn't they want to think about what they are giving? Isn't the point to give and not need to receive, and if that was really the point then wouldn't someone want to give the highest valued gift they could? Valued not priced. There is a difference.

Maybe it really has been this way all along...and I was just too blind to really see it. Maybe the price tag was what its really been about. But I find that hard to believe.

Every year when we put up our Christmas tree I find myself admiring the homemade ornaments more than the store bought. The store bought are just out dated and it's clearly visible in their fadedness...but that's not the point. The point is, there are homemade Christmas ornaments that are older than the store bought, and they never look out dated. They look aged but with the graceful kind of aging (the kind that people want to happen to them). They don't look ugly because they were made with more than just glass or yarn or paint, they were made by the hands of people we love. Those ornaments were made with thought, each and everyone of them, every stitch or stroke or cut. Every single piece of its being was purposefully made that way, for us.

And I love them and I hope to have them when I get a tree, I hope to get some just like them, gifts that required thought and are timeless to me. The price tag shouldn't be more thought provoking as the people we are buying the gifts for. To me, ideally, presents should be a reflection of a person. Presents should be more about the person than the price tag, and people should start to understand this as they receive and give presents.

It's the THOUGHT that COUNTS.

The Reasons of Believing?

Be·lieve (verb)
1. to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so
2. to have confidence or faith in the truth of (a positive assertion, story, etc.); give credence
to
3. to have confidence in the assertions of (a person).
4. to have a conviction that (a person or thing) is, has been, or will be engaged in a given action or involved in a given situation 5. to suppose or assume; understand

Now if a person looks at the first definition of believe, like people usually do, then they will see the ending which I have kindly highlighted.

You are probably like why does this matter?!--it matter's because I've been seeing a lot of things about believing. I have even been asked (kinda in a way) why do you believe in that particular religion that you believe in? While the person that asked me backed up their beliefs with "I've read the Bible, the Quran, etc. And I believe in ____ because..."

I TOTALLY understand that diversity is an awesome thing and can better connect a person with others. I accept that. However, I don't need diversity to believe in something. Believing is something that is my preference. I don't need other people's opinions to make my own opinion.

I saw a pin on pinterest that said "It's all in your head put there by adults that had it put in their heads when they were young." And to be quite honest, it really irritated me. In my opinion believing doesn't have to have reasons and just because there aren't reasons doesn't mean that you can't believe in it.

Just because a person's parents showed them a religion, doesn't mean that they have to have their own reason's to believe in the religion. They could have no reasons or the same reasons, because as long as they believe they will eventually build onto those reasons and then find their own reasons.

Besides...to have to search for a reason to believe defeats the purpose of believing. It doesn't matter why. It doesn't matter what I've read, because I already found my reasons. And it shouldn't matter to anyone else (unless I'm stuffing it down your throat, but I do not want to do that) everyone should have their opinions and their beliefs and they shouldn't argue against another person for it.

I think that the reason that a "non-believer" has a problem with the "believer" isn't the fact that they believe but that the fact that the "believer" wants to make the "non-believer" believe. But a person can't be forced to believe in something. They can be forced to think of something, but never truly believe in it. Beliefs form by choice. They are personal. And they do not need reasons.

A person that needs a reason to believe isn't much of a believer at all.

Blogging Hiatus NaNo and Football

I have been on quite the blogging hiatus because of this NaNo stuff and with Thanksgiving and football going on... That's okay though!

NaNoWriMo is coming to a tragic (but really not so tragic) ending. Even though the month is coming to an end doesn't mean that my project is. Well dratz! But that's okay. It is? Why yes because at least you started!

Besides 50,000 words is just the beginning. And just because you wrote 50,000 doesn't mean it's ready to be published. There is still a lot to change...so many revisions to make! But I'm closer than I was before. Anyone that starts is closer to the finish than they were before.

I will quote pinterest:
"The best way to predict the future is to create it."
"Goals are dreams with deadlines."

This weekend I watched my high school football team play in the State Championship! No one thought that they were going to make it that far when the season started. People would talk about the team as if the were bad. Obviously they aren't bad if they made it to the State Championship... But because everyone was so negative the boys really wanted to prove them wrong; that they were going to be something. And that's how they ended in a place where no one expected, but everyone was happy to be.

So, go get it. Whatever you want, you can work for it. If you want 50,000 words then work for it and you can get it. What I've learned this weekend, from writing so much, or watching our football team play at state is that a little bit (actually A LOT) of hard work and a lot of drive can get you just about anywhere you want to be.

Perceiving Quotes

In case you haven't really noticed I'm kind of a quote person. I can't really explain why but there's just something about a serious quote that inspires me. So, anyways I saw this quote on my teachers desk and he explained what he thought about it. When I read the quote I thought something totally different, but I still understand his points.

"It's always about choices but it's not about choosing between two roads. It's about choosing from countless possibilities. Choose one, and you give up not just the other but all the others. And you never know if you've chosen the right one until it's too late to change your mind."
 

First I will point out that my teacher said this quote was about Robert Frost's poem, The Road Not Taken. However my teacher said he liked the poem because he thought as if like, if he was having a bad day how should he act. How would it affect a student if he chose to give a student an eighth hour compared to yelling at them?

The thoughts that were evoked by this quote mainly focused on my future. Where am I going to go to college? What do I really want to major in? What do I want to do with the rest of my life? That is the scariest question of all because I want to make the right decision. That's what makes this quote sink in, because of that question and the last sentence of this quote.

I like this quote because it helps me understand that there are so many possibilities out there and I have the ability to use those possibilities. Even if I make the wrong decision, which is likely, I can still make another decision. I may not know if I made the right decision until it's too late to change my mind but I can always make another decision based on previous ones.

Hearing my teachers opinion on this quote opens my eyes on how people perceive things differently. So, I would love to hear what opinions you might have on this quote. Feel free to comment in the the comments below. :)

When Strength is Too Much

In one of my classes we read a book and this quote just so happened to be in it:

"Anyone who looks with anguish on evils so great must acknowledge the tragedy of it all; and if anyone experiences them without anguish, his condition is even more tragic, since he remains serene by losing his humanity." 

        --Augustine of Hippo

 I think it is depressing, if it's true; but in my opinion, it is not.

From the quote I understood that it is depressing to think that people should hurt; that it is healthy for a person to hurt. No matter how strong a person is at one point they have to break, and if they don't then they probably weren't strong in the first place--they were just numbed, and that is weakness.

Ideally, this quote explains that numbness is the greatest tragedy. It tells us that if a person doesn't show anguish then there is something wrong with them. Every person deserves a moment when they can be poked and bleed. Bleeding signifies that you are alive, that you still care for others and yourself. The problem occurs when one person is poked, but doesn't bleed, when they don't care to see the blood that comes out and then they claim it is just broken skin.

In my opinion this quote is not only wrong, but it makes me realize how sad the truth is. To me it is sad that human beings were designed to be weak at one point. All our lives we want to be strong, but sometimes strength is to much. We don't want others to think we are weak so we scold ourselves for giving in to the natural need of comfort, of natural actions like crying. We see others strong and put together, ultimately seeing the best of them, but we judge ourselves behind closed doors and we think something is wrong with us. Then, because of what we see we train ourselves to be the same; strong and put together. We become calloused on the outside and hold our tears in, only crying on the inside.

This quote is wrong in my opinion because, people can hold themselves together, very well, but on the inside they might be torn apart. This quote only portrays what we see, but not how the other person feels. Thus there is no way to tell how cold a person is unless you can share the same feelings, unless you see them behind their closed doors too.

Leaving a Legacy

"A man can be destroyed but not defeated."
            -Ernest Hemingway

I think that this quote kind of goes along with the saying, "You can kill a person but you cannot kill an idea." I believe 100% that that is true. A legacy is always left behind after a person leaves. And a legacy is what people call to remember most about a person. It's based off of what the person has done, what they wanted to do, what they said, what they didn't say, what their ideas were.

Each person will leave a legacy, good or bad or in between. They will impact people in very different ways, but it all depends on what the person watching saw and what they heard and what they didn't see or hear. It all depends on the idea you left behind.

Joseph Stalin said, "Ideas are more powerful than guns." I don't think that this quote could be any more true. Ideas are the reasons guns are fired, because people have a tendency to act on their ideas. Even if a person has a morally incorrect idea they will still act on it. People can persuade others to fight for their ideas, after all, people are good at finding reasons to fight. If this weren't true then we wouldn't have to learn about the genocide in World War II. We wouldn't hear of revolutions. We wouldn't see good things either, like civil rights movements, or the formation of religions.

Ideas are powerful things, they can live for years or even centuries. They are what keeps a persons legacy alive. They are what keeps a person alive. They not only keep a memory strong but they also can give people a reason to keep going, to keep trying. The idea of equality saved many people from the evil of others.

Either way, good or bad, you will leave a legacy. With your ideas you will infuence others. Those people will impact more people.  Leave a legacy worth hearing. Leave an idea worth living.

An Act of Bravery

"'A brave man acknowledges the strengths of others,' Four replies.
'A brave man never surrenders.'"
-Divergent by Veronica Roth

I guess you could kind of say that I obsess over this book. It has some pretty good messages, and it really makes you think--think about selfishness, bravery, honesty, pride, cruelty and so much more.

Right now I am questioning who is right, Four or Eric? As I was reading the book (for the tenth time) in the car I asked the question of who is right. My dad replied that a brave man will never surrender even if he will lose. I think I may disagree with my dad, that is only part of being brave. I think a brave man will also admit if someone is stronger than him. However that might also be a smarter man.

My dad also said that a brave man will see the strengths of others and try to protect himself against it and use the weakness of others against them. However I would think that is kind of cowardly. I always hear that you aren't supposed to pick at peoples weaknesses. You have to strike them in there strongest part so you can learn from it and get stronger too.

The whole point of the Dauntless faction is to overcome cowardice but if you attack a person when they are weakest then aren't you a coward for not hitting them where they are stronger. I think so. To me bravery isn't just about not surrendering, it's about getting stronger and learning from others.

This is the point Veronica Roth wanted she wanted people to question morality and I am. I really recommend her book Divergent and it's sequel Insurgent, and her blog.

A Changing Country

People are hard to change. That is that, if you don't believe me then try and change yourself, it's not that easy. Some people are easier to change than others yes, but the majority of people don't want to change so they won't. Think of trying to change a state. A country.


Not so easy right? Sure it's possible but you have to give it time. And, one of the most difficult things...freedom. You can't force people to change you have to give the freedom to change themselves. It's easier that way.

Why am I saying all of this?

Well because of some of the recent things that have been on the news.

America has come a very long way from where we were. I am sure that my grandma wouldn't have thought that in her lifetime she would witness the Civil Rights Era AND America having an African American president. It's amazing.

I hope that in my lifetime there will be no need for the NAACP (National Association for the Advancement of Colored People) because we will all look at each other as equals. No discrimination against minorities or majorities. We "...will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character". We are still working toward Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s goals that he gave in his I Have a Dream speech.

I personally think that we have come a long way. We can do better, yes, and we will do better but we should also praise how far we have come. Now, I cannot imagine having a separate bathroom just because of the color of a person's skin. I cannot imagine seeing people throwing food at people doing sit-ins, for something everyone should have, equal rights. I cannot imagine, a person being denied the right to their education, just because of the color of their skin. And most of all, I cannot imagine police officers turning on peaceful protesters.

But this all happened. And we have learned. And we will continue to learn. With time we will change.

Beauty

I am afraid of heights but today I rode the Ferris Wheel and yeah I loved it. (Even though it felt like my toes were going to fall off, because they feel like that when I'm nervous or scared...) But as I was sitting at the top looking over pretty much the entire town because it's that small, I couldn't stop smiling. It was breath-takingly beautiful.

"Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I never really thought of that tiny town, or a carnival as beautiful. Now I do. It's beautiful that at the carnival people talk to the person sitting next to them on the ride, if they know them or not. It's beautiful to see so many people smiling in one place. When it's dark and the colorful lights turn on, it's beautiful.

Maybe I'm just easily distracted by things, and everything catches my eye but I think that beauty is really all around us. It's not just in sunsets and beaches and stars it's anywhere we want to see it. Beauty isn't just nature, though that's easier to see, it's also skyscrapers and busy streets.

You may disagree with me, that's fine. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But still try to find something you think is beautiful because it's worth the smile.

Quotes

I just so happen to come across the following quotes and I had to write them down so I won't forget them:

"Hope is a walking dream."
-Aristotle

"Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; the merely determine where you start."
-Nido Qubien

"Stars can't shine without darkness."
-unknown

Comparing and Climbing

"Comparison is the thief of joy." I have that written down so I don't forget it because that is one of my biggest flaws. I constantly compare myself to other people. I compare what I do to what other people do. It's almost like everything is a competition, and I'm always losing. Even if I've started to get in the league I will find someone else to look at and compare myself to and that person is more experienced than me and better than me and I'm in last place again. Then my confidence is SMASHED like really good potatoes.

I look at whoever I'm comparing myself to like they are perfect, like they've never made a mistake, like they've never been on the bottom. Surely they've been where I am now? Surely they've looked up from the bottom of that little black hole and worked there way out. Right? But I don't get to see where they've started. They are noticed when they are at the top and I'm the one looking up to them. Then I am left trying to find how they got up there and I start. If I don't follow their path exactly I'm screwed.

That's just how I look at it.

But I'm trying to change that. I want to be up there, but I don't know how without watching others. Because I don't want to fall, and if I follow them exactly then I can't go wrong. That's not true. I am making a new rule to to this game of getting out of the bottom. Rule #1: Be me. Be original.

If someone else flies out then I have to do something different. If I'm not going to be original then I'm going to stay at the bottom. If I end up trying and falling then at least I found a way it won't work and I can pass that along to others and learn from it.

So really I've learned: I am my own person and I can't be anyone else so I am going to do things differently. I am going to do things my way. Most importantly I will not give up just because it didn't work the first time. I am only seventeen and I have my whole life to try to get out of that hole. So now I think I finally realized that I am a beginner and I can't compare myself to an expert. Not yet anyway. ;)

-Bay

Trying and Struggling

"Nothing worth it is ever easy and anything easy is not worth it." I keep having to tell myself that as I constantly struggle to be a better writer. Struggling sucks but it's necessary. Without struggle you can't really achieve anything. You never get better.

I want to get better, I just wish that there was a little less struggling. Maybe not struggling but sitting. Waiting. Right now I have to wait to know what to change and what not to change. What sucks and what's awesome. Or if it's just terrible in general...

I'm gonna have some more faith and say that it doesn't completely bite and I'm going to go out into this big world and find me a beta reader. Then I'm going to struggle as I sit and wait and pray that it is awesome and could one day in fact be something bigger and better...a book.

*Choir of Angels*

That's right, I wrote a manuscript in hopes that one day it would come out of it's cocoon and become a beautiful...book. :) It's nerve racking just to say the word book. I am terrified so I try to avoid the word book, or manuscript when possible and call it a story instead. These questions always come to mind when I hear the word book: What if I fail? What if it is awful? What if I suck?

Well I'll never know if I don't try. So I am stepping outside of my box and taking a leap of faith. If it needs fixed then I will fix it. I just have to remember as I'm falling to the unknown that it's worth a shot. If you don't try then you'll never know.

Veni Vidi Vici

Veni Vidi Vici (in Latin) means I came I saw I conquered.

Conquered sounds so brute but hey it sounds good in Latin. I used this translation first because it sounds awesome, second, because I'm leaving New Orleans tomorrow so it kind of applies. Everything except conquered. I don't think you could say I conquered anything, and after watching the movie at the WWII muesem I don't think I would want to conquere anything. Conquering things means conflict, sometimes unnecessary conflict.

Millions of people died because tyrant leaders wanted to conquere the world, causing WWII. In the end of the movie at the WWII muesem I walked out rethinking the Allies status of winning WWII, not because they didn't get what they were aiming for but because they lost so much. Yes they saved many lives but what about all the lives they had to lose, just to win. All that was left was a path of destruction that had to be cleaned up. No one wins. All of this could have been avoided if people weren't being greedy and trying to conquere the world in their own names. If things were left alone, we would not have to hear horrific stories of concentration camps or POW camps.

Thus I'm changing the quote, and for good reason I think. I don't think the idea of conquering the world is right, I want to live a full life and enjoy all my time and I want other's to enjoy their time too. I want to honor all of the lives ever lived (and to live) because there has to be some amount of good in even the most evil person. So in Latin (because Latin is way cooler) Veni Vidi Vixi which means I came I saw I (have) lived.