The Definition of Success

"Joy is the essence of success."

This is from my wonderful yogi tea again, but this time I wholly agree. I often catch myself thinking about the future, about where I want to be later in my life, about success in general. But I'm always caught on this key question: how do I define success?

I've been told many times that I have high expectations. However, there are so many possibilities; how could I not expect great things. As long as I follow through with these expectations then I know I will be successful.

What if I don't? Am I still successful?

Success shouldn't be defined by the size of a persons house, or the money in a person wallet. The definition of success varies from person to person; for some, success is defined by money and houses but for others success is defined by relationships.

As I think of how to define success I've decided that experiences and knowledge define success. Relationships define success. Contentment defines success.

In my definition college is making me successful. Not because its a way to earn more money but because of the experience I have here. Because of the friends I'm making here. Because in college I am learning how to handle myself.

And that is how I am becoming a successful person.

An Anxious Mind

I have some wonderful tea that leaves thoughtful quotes. As I poured my energizing tea today, I pondered upon a quote that I strongly, very strongly disagree with.

"A relaxed mind is a creative mind."

The reason I disagree with this quote is because, as an aspiring author, I pay attention to the life authors led/lead. I would say that some of the greatest most creative minds were anything but relaxed.

relaxed

1.

being free of or relieved from tension or anxiety:

in a relaxed mood.

In fact many artists, including writers, suffer from things such as depression and anxiety. Maybe that is what makes the greats so great. Maybe the depression that taunted Edgar Allan Poe was the reason he could write such amazingly dark poetry. Perhaps the failure for F. Scott Fitzgerald to "relax" is what gave him the ability to write THE GREAT GATSBY.

Relaxing is not creative, it does not bring ideas about, it does not draw worlds inside of a persons soul, because none of those things are for us, for the person they belong to. Those ideas, those worlds are for themselves and they engross themselves inside a person, which is anything but relaxing. If relaxing resulted in creativity then the artist would relax for their work and not just for those short moments of self-preservation.

There are so many artists/writers/creators that suffer from the tension that is left in their minds after the artwork is no longer stored their. When their creations see sun light, more tension pulls them every which way. Veronica Roth, author of DIVERGENT, felt so anxious with all the comments on her blog that she felt the need to turn off the comment option.

I refuse to believe that the author of a bestselling dystopian series, by the age of twenty-four, is not creative because she get's anxious.

As much as an author would like to be relaxed, it is so hard. As we build stories, people, lives, we decide what our characters should be as if it weren't hard enough already deciding who we should be; deciding to take a chance on a piece of ourselves. We are creative, because there is simply no other way to be. But we are also taut with emotion, afraid that the piece of us we want to break away, to see sunlight, never will; we are anxious, but that does not mean we are less creative.

Ready. Set. Write! Recap

So it's coming to an end. :'( Which really sucks because that means summer is too. But I guess because I started my freshmen year in college summer has already ended. I'm sad to say that I am not taking any creative writing classes this semester so writing is going to be all on my own and it won't be as easy as it was with Ready. Set. Write! ending.

Honestly, I'm extremely sad right now. Not only am I sad that summer and Ready. Set. Write! is over but I didn't accomplish as much as I wanted to this summer. After staying away from writing/reading for a week all I did was think about my stories and how much left I have to tell. I also decided to write more (of course!) because the story I am supposed to be editing and going back over and fixing might be told better if it was from a totally different perspective. I might be thinking this just because I want to dive back into writing this story or possibly because I like seeing the dual perspective in the story I'm currently writing maybe the other perspective will be the right perspective, I don't know but I'll find out.

*
In other news, college is interesting and I'm taking four classes in one day which is kind of crazy and tomorrow I have Psychology which I'm super excited about besides the fact that it's in a huge lecture hall. (Maybe not huge, but big enough to fit 130 students at least. So I guess it's pretty big.) It's crazy to think that there is so much free time, it's completely different than high school. I also love being able to walk to the Plaza. And the fact that I have made a friend with another person planning to major in creative writing and that she likes YA is awesome!

I should probably be doing some homework now so I don't get too overwhelmed tomorrow... But I can't get past this sadness. I want to say that I have really enjoyed Ready. Set. Write! and that it was great interacting with the people participating. Thank you so much! I hope you guys had a great summer and rest of the year!

Ready. Set. Write! Week 9

1. How I did on last weeks goals:
 -Well considering I didn't have a blog post last week pretty good I guess...

2. My goals for this week:
 -I can't have any. Yep. Can't. I have a concussion so the doc says rest. (I'll explain more in 4.) Luckily I've grown so used to the keyboard that I can type without looking. ;)

3. Favorite line from my story:

Anna watched the first tear fall down his cheek. She brought him nearer and held him tightly in a hug. Embarrassed that she thought only of how strong of a man she was holding in her arms, a man strong enough to show her the softest parts of him. A man that though she looked at as a super hero, he still showed her that he was only human, and that, she thought, was the strongest part of all.

4. Biggest challenge I faced this week:
 -Well Monday was a pretty busy day, but Wednesday was the busiest. I was in a car accident* on Wednesday that left me with six stitches, a black eye and now I've learned a concussion. Lemmetellya writing is not easy with a concussion, especially on a brightly lit computer.

5. My favorite part of my WIP:
 -The perspective. It's easy to see both of the characters raw emotion.

*The deats on the car accident in case anyone was wondering: I was not driving, just chilling in the passenger seat, my aunt was driving and my cousin was sitting behind me. We were completely stopped when a young lady rear ended us she was going 60-65 mph. I had the worst injuries out of the people in all five, I think, cars involved. My injuries were thanks to THE HELP, hard cover, flying up and hitting me in the face... luckily I did not get any blood on the book. :)

Please be safe while driving! And remember, when you are driving you aren't just affecting yourself but everyone on the road with you, so make good decisions!

How was your week?

Never a Life Alone

Most everyone has heard by now about Robin Williams passing. As I scrolled through Facebook I saw many people that were taking time to remember him. His death came as a surprise, to me and many more. Many people admired him and I can't help but think that if he'd have known how deeply he is missed that he would still be here today.

It doesn't matter where a person stands in this life, whether they are in a million dollar house or in a rental house; with a significant other or a cat; an education or a job. Wherever a person stands they can still stand alone.

There are a lot of people in this world but it is still easy to feel erased, blended into them, alone. Especially when it is so easy to say cruel words, that poison us, rather than the loving words that give us life. Loneliness is so much easier with the absence of kind words which seem to be the hardest of all to say.

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, its not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone."
-Robin Williams

Looking down on the world now I don't think Robin Williams could ever feel alone. The enormous amount of people that admired and idolized him could have been a reason for him to keep going.

"No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world."
-Robin Williams

So maybe one letter, one card would have changed his mind. Maybe one person's thought of him could change his mind; could have changed his world.

From this possibility no matter how small, I've decided that one letter should be given to my idols, all my idols, famous or not, close or not. I want my idols to know that I am here looking up to them, that people will be there for them. Everyone should know that no matter how difficult life may be they never have to face it alone. Though there are evils in this world there are still caring people here too.

Ready. Set. Write! Week 8

1. How I did on my last week goals:
- Well considering I didn't technical have any goals, I did pretty good. I did write some and I finished reading two books. So yay!

2. My goals for this week:
- I'm planning on writing at least a total of 2500 words. It's less than usual but I want to get back into the groove of things.

3. Favorite line from my story:

Anna was brought up by a seemingly proud family. A proud surely, faithless father and an assuming mother. Before them, came her grandparents. Her father’s parents were rightly teaching, strong and persuasive, lowly ranked government officials. They taught Anna of life and death and nothing thereafter. A proud family of what they had, and of where they stood, seeing more and grasping for it and nearly always obtaining it; how could they produce something that yearns to know what little feels like?

4. Biggest challenged I faced this week:
- Writing in the car is a challenge all itself...

5. My favorite part of my WIP:
- Having time away from writing to look at the scenery and seeing the world from different views has gotten my creative juices flowing again.

Ready. Set. Write! Week 7

1. How I did on last weeks goals:
In my "revising" story I got a little more than my planned 2000. But in WIP story I only wrote about 500 words.

2. My goals for this week:
I'm not going to assign any certain number because I'm currently on vacation, but I just want to write whenever I can.

3. Favorite line from my story:

Anna spoke up, irritated that her mother was so cruel. “Social gaps do not mean gaps within compassion, mother, or understanding. Sometimes the difference is in the people, not in their social status perhaps that is what Ezra meant.”

4. Biggest challenge I face:
Kicking off vacation, babysitting, and getting sick was time consuming, it all left me without much time to write.

5. My favorite part about my WIP:
I'm getting somewhere again! I don't feel as stuck as I did before and it's a really good feeling.

How did your week of writing go?

Late edition of Ready. Set. Write! Week 6.

Yes. This is late after ailing in the big chair on Monday and not feeling up to even crawling toward the computer for the weekly Ready. Set. Write! post. However, now that I'm feeling better and only have the cough and congestion plaguing me it's time that I have a quick update. 

I didn't get much of anything done last week after facing a deathly…writers block. What I did get done, I’m not even sure of an exact word count. So the week hasn't been that good to me. L

Since I will be going on vacation on Friday! Then babysitting today! And being sick for two days this week¡ (Up-side-down exclamation point because that was not so great.) I am going to lower the bar, which sucks but I think it’s necessary. In “revision” story I want to write a total of 2000 more words. In WIP I am hoping for 1000 words, but even that seems too hopeful.

A favorite line from my story or a word or phrase to sum up what I wrote…

On this sad occasion of me writing almost nothing I am going to turn my frown into a solid line by summing up my phrase in Latin: Sum nihil. (A special thanks to Google translate!)

So being sick was a down point but that wasn't the main reason the pages are left blank. It was writer’s block that somehow snuck back in to watch me stare at the screen.

Despite this bleak update I will say that rewriting the “revising” story feels a lot better because I love diving back into this story. There are other upsides on bad weeks. 1. What goes up must come down, which means what goes down must come back up right? 2. It could get worse, but chances are it won't. ☺

Ready. Set. Write! (Week 5)

1. How I did on last week's goals?

 -I came close. I wrote 4500 words in my WIP and 1000 words in my revising story. Also my reading has improved after I received FOUR by Veronica Roth! So I'm going to say that the week has been pretty successful.

2. My goals for this week.
 -I'm going to keep all the same goals from last week. Pretty boring but eh it works.

3. A favorite line from my story or one word/phrase that sums up what I wrote/revised.
 -Her mother always said to her, before her departure, that a person can say the right thing but the only thing that matters is not what they say but whether they can prove that they believe it.

4. The biggest challenge I faced this week.
 -Lack of motivation. Ugh. I know what needs to be said but I can't say it. Oh and then there is procrastination...

5. Something I love about my WIP.
 -Even when I'm not writing I can't stop thinking about the story. Who doesn't love daydreaming...

How was your week of writing?

Ready. Set. Write! Week 4

1. How I did on last week's goals?
 -Well not too good. I didn't revise anything really, however I decided that instead of revising it needs some rewriting. Oh well, whatever makes it better. On my actual writing I managed to get to my goal of 4000. However, I didn't read or write everyday like I planned.

2. My goals for this week.
 -I'm bumping up my word count to 5000 again and an extra 1000 words in the "revision" story. I plan to write and read everyday too.

3. A favorite line from my story or one word/phrase that sums up what I wrote/revised.
 -It's rough but I like how it shows Anna's growth: 

 Now she thought of the beauty in his heartbeats, were they irregular, like hers, or were they normal, perfect for a long lasting life in Brevis.

4. The biggest challenge I faced this week.
 -With the 4th of July I had little time to read and write. My motivation also decreased, and I'm gonna blame that on the 4th of July too. ;)

5. Something I love about my WIP.
 -The characters are growing and that is always something to love.

How did you do on your goals?

The Polite Policy

There is a constant struggle that I see in society. Some people might not see it as a struggle, maybe that's just me, because society has had this polite policy for as long as I've been alive, really longer. But I am going to use a great quote (of course!) that is in DIVERGENT by Veronica Roth.

 "Mom used to say that politeness is deception in pretty packaging."

When I first read that I thought it was the weirdest thing I've ever read. Politeness was (is) something I want to stand by. It's classy, to be polite. Right? Right. I want to be a classy lady.

But I've also heard that old saying "The truth will set you free" and whatnot. I want to be free. Maybe it's me being one of those stupid teenagers but freedom is something that just gets to me. It's so appealing, and not just to me, to a lot of people, I mean that's what America is all about, right? Freedom! Yeah..

But society relies on kindness. People expect, or at least hope, that others will be kind to them. And the truth is not always kind. Society wants people to be polite, like children are raised to say please and thank you, even though they may not always stick with it. Politeness relies on saying "nice to meet you" even when it may not be that pleasant to meet someone. Politeness relies on apologies when you've done something wrong, even if you aren't truly sorry. Society relies on politeness and politeness often relies on those little white lies.

I don't want to be told those little white lies anymore. I want to be set free, I want to know the truth. I want to know when my writing sucks, when I have something in my teeth, when my fly is unzipped, when someone isn't sorry. All of those impolite things that you can't say, just tell me because maybe I can fix it, and if not I can deal with it. But one thing is absolutely for sure: I cannot fix anything, if I don't know that it's a problem.

The truth will set me free, and on the other side of freedom lies possibilities. I think that those possibilities are going to feel a lot better later than any white lie will in the moment.

So what will you choose? Politeness or Truth? I'm eager to know.

Ready. Set. Write! Check in

1. How I did on last week's goals?
 -I accomplished all of my goals. My goal was to write 5000 words and I ended up writing 6000. I was right on point as I revised seven pages, and wrote everyday.

2. My goals for this week.
 -Because it's going to be a very busy weekend with the fourth of July and whatnot I'm going to cut back on my word count and aim for 4000 words. I'll try to revise five pages, at the least, and of course I have to write everyday, it just might not be a 1000 word stretch. However, I'm kind of disappointed in myself when I realize that with all this writing I'm not reading as much, so I'm making the goal to read everyday.

3. A favorite line from my story or one word/phrase that sums up what I wrote/revised.
 -It's rough but I like how it shows more about Ezra then even I knew.
 "'I used to think, when I was a child, that children eventually grew up to become adults, but the older I get and the more I look at you, Anna, I realize that just isn't true. We are all children, some of us just lost the compassion because we thought that wasn't needed, others lost the absolution because we try so damn hard to make the right decisions. Me, Anna, I lost the ability to look at this city and think there was something waiting for me here. Hopefulness is what you used to call it before you decided to grow up without me too.'"

4. The biggest challenge I faced this week.
 -Well, I found the time to write, even though it means writing until 1:30 am now I'm just battling sleep deprivation, so it makes my words a little too soppy with emotion. At least I'm writing though.

5. Something I love about my WIP.
 -I like discovering all the stories that live inside of one story, and I'm definitely seeing more with Ezra stepping back into Anna's life.

Check in for Ready. Set. Write!

1. How I did on last week's goals?

 -Well... I admit it I didn't finish 5,000 words but I did write everyday! Which is really good, it just wasn't enough. I also did revising in my other story so I got two thirds of my goals checked off.

2. My goals for this week.

 -I am going to keep writing everyday and I'm going to aim for revising a page a day too. I'm also not going to shy away from this 5,000 words in a week thing. So my goals aren't really changing.

3. A favorite line from my story or one word/phrase that sums up what I wrote/revised.

 -It could definitely use some work but here it goes: "And as he noted this he began to see Anna as a threat to Brevis, perhaps if the time was different, perhaps if it was not the week of the festival or even the day of the gathering he would not see her as such, but now he did."

 

4. The biggest challenge I faced this week.

 -Was simply finding enough time to write. Usually there is time but with orientation, work, babysitting and cleaning time felt so limited.

5. Something I love about my WIP.

 -I really like choices and challenges the main character has to go through. Nothing is easy.

Orientation and the FUTURE

It's kinda official. I'm just kidding...it IS official. I'm enrolled in classes, real college classes, classes that are going to be at a college.



Today I had orientation at UMKC (University of Missouri - Kansas City) and I've signed up for classes that I hope are going to emphasize that I am making the right choice in choosing to major in Creative Writing and Political Science.

I am going to be completely honest and say that just months ago I was terrified of graduating, let alone signing up for college, or heaven forbid living on campus. The point is, is that I was so scared of all those things because they were supposed to be the future. They were supposed to be distant thoughts in the back of my mind. They weren't supposed to happen yet.

Okay, so I still don't think they are supposed to happen yet, I mean I don't feel like I'm eighteen or a high school graduate or a college bound student. Nope.

But I'm not afraid anymore. I can't let the future have control over me because I don't know what lies ahead of me, I only have ideas of where I will go. I'm starting to look at today, right now, instead of tomorrow or days/months/years ahead because today is the only thing I can change. I can learn from the past, act in the present and prepare for the future but I cannot worry.

There is nothing to worry about, there are only things to do, places to go, people to meet, and a life to lead. And I've decided that that life is going to be at UMKC.

READY. SET. WRITE! (goals)

I have been lacking on my writing. So to get back into the writing spirit I'm participating in READY. SET. WRITE! I'm a little late with starting (just a week behind) but better late than never, right?

So here are my goals:
Write everyday, no matter what it is I just need to write.
Write a total of 5000 words this week in my story.
Read through and edit at least five pages a week.

Check ins are on Monday's so that means I should be answering these questions on Monday:

1.  How I did on last week’s goals

2.  My goal(s) for this week

3.  A favorite line from my story OR one word/phrase that sums up what I wrote/revised

4.  The biggest challenge I faced this week (ex. finding time to write)

5.  Something I love about my WIP

 

Wish me luck!

Negotiating

There has been quite allot of talk about the negotiations that led to soldier Bergdahl coming home. The most talk that I've seen is mostly negative, mainly saying "negotiation with terrorist is against policy" and shouldn't be considered for the well being of America. But this is where my thoughts lie:

1. What if it was my brother? My father? My uncle?

2. What does the well being of America really mean?

I can honestly say that if soldier Bergdahl were my brother, father, uncle etc. I would be absolutely, no question about it, set on their homecoming. I think most people would be, but maybe I am wrong. Maybe people wouldn't care. I highly doubt this though, people are often more effected when they have relationships. It is sad to think that knowing someone in a slightly more personal way can change a person's perception. But it does and so I can't help but want soldier Bergdahl to come home for his family, despite any negotiations with terrorists.

If one looks at the definition of terrorist as a person who terrorizes or frightens others then negotiations with terrorists is more common than one would think. I am not advocating for terrorism when I say this. I think terrorism is awful and if someone wants to prove a point then there are other ways to do that besides resigning to terrorizing others until the person gets what the person wants.

Negotiating with terrorist should not be considered a bad thing. Negotiation should never be considered bad because it results in an understanding in some way. Understanding is a step closer to peace. And suggesting that negotiation with terrorist is against policy could be interpreted as there will be no attempt to understanding, which in turn means there will be no attempt at peace. Peace should be a priority to protect the American people. Peace doesn't always mean "giving in" but it does mean trying to keep stable ground between two very different ideas. Stability is important for a nation, isn't it? So why is negotiating such a bad thing?

When I look at the reactions that people have about negotiating with terrorists I immediately think why? Yes. Terrorism is bad. Yes. America does not condone terrorism. Yes. America does not want to seem weak, especially in the eyes of our enemies. However, people fail to take into consideration that negotiating is a way to understanding--which is a step closer than we were. It doesn't mean that America condones terrorism, because we don't and that won't change. It doesn't show any weakness that terrorist wouldn't have seen before. Every country's weakness is it's people, citizens are what makes a country and if citizens are weak then a nation is weak, it is common knowledge, known for years as we witnessed in a series of terrorist attacks on September 11th .

It is hard to believe that five terrorist could make such an impact on an already present organization. Though it is possible the organizations could take into consideration whatever these five men have for ideas or it is even possible that the five men could offer their lives to the terrorist organizations. It is possible that five men could make a difference, but not as likely as people fear. The five prisoners held at Guantanamo Bay likely did not have updates and would have little information not to mention their stability may not be reliable enough for their organizations to find useful.

In my opinion, bringing home a soldier should be America's priority. They have fought well and hard and should get the chance to come home and remember why they are fighting. America should be supportive for the POWs that are returning, no matter the circumstances, because no one could know exactly what hell they went through. Enduring five, sometimes more, years of wondering if each breath you take will be your last is torture enough and then coming home without the full support of the citizens you fought for must be painful. And I think soldier Bergdahl has been through enough pain.

My opinions may vary from yours and that's okay, diversity is a good thing and I would love to hear different opinions, as long as they are respectful. So please, be respectful for soldier Bergdahl and his family and friends, and also be respectful of the people that made the difficult decisions to negotiate soldier Bergdahl's way home. Thank you.

Follow Your Fellow Dress Code

So it's summer time, that means heat, which means shorts, and that means that I have been seeing a ton of things on social media sites about girls wearing immodest clothing. Such as:

"When you send a girl home from school because her shorts or too short, or her clothing is immodest, you are telling her that hiding her body is more important than her education. You are telling her that making sure the boys have a distraction-free learning environment is more important than her education. In a way, you’re telling her that the boys are more entitled to an education than she is, and that isn’t acceptable."

My first opinion of this post was maybe... but the more I think about it, the more I shake my head and roll my eyes. Really?

Wearing shorts that are too short for a schools dress code is in fact breaking the rules, and if a boy were to wear shorts that were to short then he would be punished as well. This is not an attack on a girls education. This is not an attack at all. It is merely an enforcement of rules.

I will say, however, that I can understand the resentment some girls have when it comes to gym class. The rule that cut off shirts cannot be warn makes complete sense until a guy wears them. Men are allowed to wear cut off shirts but women aren't? That is not right. I don't care if "life isn't fair" I don't want to see a man's nipples, because, frankly, I find that awkward. (I mean what do you look at? Eye contact, right? Well eye contact can only last so long before it becomes awkward...and a man's chest is distracting.) At least when a girl wears a cut off shirt she is covering herself with a sports bra so it's less distracting.

Either way I have not seen a girl sent home because she was dressed "immodestly" but if this is in fact the case then I do find it unacceptable that anyone were to be sent home for this. It is a disappointment that the school would not have an extra pair of pants or extra shirts instead of sending a child away from their right to education.

Girls wearing short shorts are not the only problem I have heard of; I have also heard of immodest prom dresses. Dresses that were too short or too revealing for bustier girls. There must be some consideration for long legged women or busty women. There are different shapes and not every dress is made for every shape, and my goodness is it hard to find a flattering dress, that is modest, because hardly any dress is created that way

In truth, all clothing can be immodest, it depends on how a person wears the article of clothing, and who the person is and what their body type is. There are so many factors that go into the "immodest" category. What should truly matter is how a person feels in the clothes they wear (spoken like a true girl) and how they act. We should keep in mind how we dress but that should not be the basis of our concerns. Our main concerns should be how we act towards people, because when we aren't polite then that is where indecency starts.

Continuous

People are not continuous. They need to change courses or they need rest, and sometimes they need to just stop. It's understandable that these changes need to occur. But that change doesn't affect what was done before they stopped or took a break.

I enforce the thought that ideas don't die, that even though a person may not be continuous their impacts are. Once a person reaches their endpoint someone else just might create their starting point. Ideas from one person impact the ideas of the next person.

What one person might stop, another person can continue, maybe in the same way or maybe in a different way, but chances are what one person has done will impact another person.

People need fuel to keep going, but their actions are like light, continuous. When they are out in the open and people see those actions they are immediately affected. It is up to the individual to carry on an impact and become the doer.

And goodness has a way of continuing.

A persons actions may cease but that doesn't mean that the idea they had behind those actions will. The idea will travel with another person, affecting them and they will use that light to do something great that will eventually affect another person, and so on.

The idea continues, even if the action does not.

This is not just the way an idea works. Sadly this is true for many things. But it is important that we recognize not the discontinuation of the action, but the continuation of the idea. We must stay optimistic even when it is hardest, so that too can impact a person. We have to accept that people are not continuous, that sometimes the greatest thing they can leave is their impact, their idea for us to continue.

Maybe, the impact in itself is the fuel a person needs.

But even if it is not, even if the ending is actually the ending, then we cannot let the idea be left behind. Continue it. Continue the light they left on you to someone else. Be someone else's impact, just because someone was yours. Continue the idea. Continue the idea and you continue the person.

A Characters View

There are two sides to every story. I especially love to know both sides. When it comes to a book, it is great to have another story from a different characters perspective. It's almost magic that we can honestly see both views of a story. When does that ever happen in real life? Right? Right.

I loved the fact that FREE FOUR by Veronica Roth came out (Fours perspective of the knife throwing scene) and I liked that ALLEGIANT, also by Veronica Roth, had dual perspectives too except that made the ending...possible... Anyways I can't wait to get a hold of the book that has all of Four's stories!

Marie Lu's LEGEND series was also like that (as far as I know, I still haven't gotten to book three yet) with the switching perspectives and whatnot.

Reading both perspectives of the story, gives the story line more depth. It gives characters more depth too. I believe, and this might be a totally wrong assumption, that authors create these stories in a separate characters perspective not just because it has a worth (that's just an added bonus) but because it makes the character deeper. It drives them to get in the other characters head. These perspectives make two dimensional characters come off the page in 3D, they make already alive characters more intense.

A character that was just a puppet starts to have a pulse, all because you found their perspective. They become understandable because you know their side of the story, or maybe even their own story. You start to know why they do things. Why they think certain ways.

With writing, even as an amateur, I've realized that knowing the why is important. It means knowing the characters.

So find the why. The best way to do that, in my opinion, is to write (of course!) their perspective, or even their story. Write the story that happened before the story. You may find out more than you thought you ever could.

Failure, Thank You

I am a failure. I fail when I don't get my homework done when I want, or especially how I want. I fail if I don't understand something the way it should be. I fail because of expectations. Failure is totally okay. Expectations...probably not so much.

Okay so, people in general have expectations, whether that's of themselves, of others, or how things  should work. Rarely does anything play out how anyone expects. Their is always some hamartia that throws a curveball and makes you second guess what you already had planned out. And it truly is a hamartia because usually expectations are grand, spectacular, anything and everything you ever wanted to happen but because of that one flaw, tragedy strikes and expectations plummet.

And you feel like you are lucky just to get out of the chaos of failure with two feet. That is me on, a weekly basis, no a daily basis; fighting off the suffocation of failure. Everyone fights failure...though they may feel it in different ways. Sometimes that failure can turn into fear, like mine has. That's why it's okay to be a failure, because without facing that fear then I couldn't grow.

Thomas Edison said, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

So basically when a person fails, they aren't ever really failing. They are only finding flaws. The only thing that fails is their expectation, that is the most painful part.

Another amazing quote: "Fall down seven times, stand up eight."

Expectations can fail. They will fail. Almost always. However that doesn't mean that you fail. Not totally. You fail once, you try again. Try until it works. Fail until you win. We can't be winners every day, but there will come a time when we won't fail and something will work. That day when you finally win you will look back at failure, and you will be thankful. You'll be thankful that you worked against failure, that you worked to get so far. Failure isn't as brutal as it seems, it makes you work, and push and prove yourself.

I am a failure. I am okay with it. Failure will pay off. I will stumble and fall but failure will not be the death of me. Failure is just the beginning.

A World Remembering Scars

I finished THE FAULT IN OUR STARS by John Green (another AMAZING author) and I'm going to admit that I cried. I find it hard to believe that anyone can read that book without crying. That book was seriously one of the most heart wrenching books I've ever read.

I knew what was coming when I started to read it, but still it had a way of making me...feel. I felt the pain with Hazel and Augustus, and even though I didn't want to feel that pain, I read on and felt it anyway; realizing all along that even though this book is fiction it has some truth in it.

It made me accept the truth and that is still the hardest part. Oblivion is inevitable. Someday, everything and everyone I know will just simply end. And I can't help but just feel erased from a place that I was so much a part of.

BUT.

Yes there is a but. But at the end of the book, the pain settles, and I think it's because Hazel is wrong. Well she's right, but she's still wrong... Let me explain.

Yes, everything and everyone I was ever attached to will be gone someday, but I'd like to think that it won't matter so much because I'll be gone too. I remember Hazel saying something along the lines of no one can live in a person's memory forever because those people will die too. However, memories can turn into stories and stories can be passed on.

It may not matter that no one remembers who Shakespeare's muse was for Sonnet Fifty-five, because Shakespeare remembered, and he wrote it down, and that Sonnet carries his memory for him. That person is forever embedded into the words Shakespeare wrote even if they did not contain a name. As long as Shakespeare cared enough to write, Sonnet Fifty-five is all that mattered to that person.

Perhaps the most important thing that a person leaves behind is the bond of another. They may not leave a mark on everyone in this world, but that is okay because those marks are more often "scars." It does not matter how many people you touch so much as the way you make them feel. In this crazy world we remember more hideous names than beautiful ones, so rarely we remember the people that were gentle enough not to scar the world. We remember names like Hitler, or Stalin, or Saddam Hussein, and less people remember the names of the beautiful gentle souls like Anne Frank or Harriet Tubman.

So I've decided that when I die, I don't want people to just remember my name, or what I've done but I want them to remember how I made them feel. And when their memories wear thin, I can settle and watch the world pass knowing that I did not scar the world by trying to make one grand difference in a desperate attempt of remembrance, but I slowly impacted the world by impacting one person in a beautifully gentle way.

Why I'm "That girl at the party that..."

Warning rant...oh and OPINIONS. So beware.

Today in class I was told that I am "That girl at the party that you talk to and then realize that you shouldn't have talked to her."

The worst thing about being told this is that I wasn't even given an explanation why. So I am left with my own over-analyzed assumption of why I am "That girl at the party..."

1. Women shouldn't talk more than 40% of the conversation.

2. Women shouldn't speak without permission.

3. Women shouldn't have, let alone speak their opinions.

Now, I am going to give my OPINION because I don't give a frickity frack about why I am "that girl at the party..."

I would like to first say that this is the freaking twenty-first century, in America, and women aren't the girls that wait for permission and we sure as hell aren't mindless zombies that don't have opinions. If a man is going to speak his mind then you better bet that I am going to say a few words too. If you don't like that, then stop listening.

This may be a news flash for some people, but women are intellectual too and so we can actually carry on an intelligent conversation.

Whoa...Wait! What? You mean she actually knows what she's talking about...?

This may come as a shocker, but yeah she probably does. All my life, at least, I have been told to think before I speak (or type) and so I'm trying to be relevant and contribute to the conversation.

It might be me being honest, but I think a conversation goes both ways. This isn't some kind of grading scale that is 40% homework and 60% test...um no. Conversations should be a nice fifty-fifty split. No one is any more special than the other.

According to the nice list I made...I am "That girl at the party..." and I don't give a hoot. If someone ever tells me that again then maybe I'll prove to them that I am that girl by showing them this lovely blog post. Now, I am sincerely asking, don't be that person in life that goes around big headed thinking that you have more to contribute than anyone else. I am willing to listen to you as much as you are willing to listen to me.

Finally, please think before you speak. And. If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.

Why write?

Today I cruised over to Always Write. and read a blog post which made me think: Why? Why write? Why a writer? How long have I wanted to be an author?

I've thought about it.

First, I should say that I've wanted to be a writer forever. Before Kindergarten, I wrote a "book" that was filled with pictures and a few words that people showed me how to write and gave it to my aunt. In Kindergarten, I wrote a "book " and gave it to my teacher. When I was little, my mom read me Dr. Seuss and I wanted to create stories like that. I wanted to have hundreds of books with my name on them.

But, when I got older, I didn't read. I struggled so much and I hated it. I forgot about the magic that is created when you read books and I whined if I had to read them. I didn't want to read until all my friends read TWILIGHT. So I read it and was so infatuated that someone could create something that came to life the way TWILIGHT did. So I wanted to write, too. That's when I started to write another "book".

By the time I was a freshmen, people would ask me how my "book" was coming along. It made me really embarrassed, so I gave up. If I look back at that "book", I always blush. It took me three years to write something that sounds so awful.

Now, I read because I rediscovered the magic in books. There's something about the way the words fit on the page, so neatly together, that makes me picture the descriptions as if I was staring at it right then and there. I stay up late reading books and getting excited for my favorite characters as I unravel their adventures. Maybe, one day I could create a story so amazingly put together that it has readers staying up late at night feeling everything I want them to feel. Maybe one day, a character I unleash into the world could be the reason a person wants to write, decides that books are wonderful.

I write for those possibilities. I write to go places I've never been. I write to meet people I want to meet. I write to imagine. I write so I can make people feel.

The luxury of a snow day.

Sure it's cold, and it's probably too cold to feel warm by thinking warm thoughts, with it being negative whatever degrees, but at least there are blankets and heaters.

However, I have been waiting for a snow day since the cold started creeping in. Once I forget about how cold it is the day will be even better. Especially with today being an added day to our winter break, bonus. As a result of this extra day we don't have to worry about homework, extra bonus! This all means that I am at the luxury of being bundled up in the computer chair drinking tea and typing away. Doing what my heart desires.

Currently that means getting twenty five pages to send off to Rachelle Rea because I won a giveaway at Every Good Word. :)

 



I suggest checking out Rachelle's blog, writer or reader! And. Don't forget to check out Every Good Word.

 

So now back to my Word document.

New Years Resolutions

I didn't want to do this at first but I'm starting to think it is a good idea. After all they (I don't know who "they" is but I'm assuming it is an old wise man meditating on the top of a peaceful mountain.) say if you write your goals down then you are more likely to achieve them. So after reading this I decided, what the heck the worst you can do is not reach them, that just makes another goal for the next year, I'm going to do it.

So here we go, a list of my goals (a summed version):

1. read more.

2. write more.

3. socialize more.

4. do more for others.

5. be adventurous.

6. be stronger.

7. be more understanding.

Oh I almost forgot this one, and I can't forget it, I'm so close and I've been working on it for 13 years now. Only a semester left.

1. Graduate!

What are your new year resolutions? Is this year going to be a big year? Is it going to be YOUR year?! I want to know!