Day...whatever...

The moment I found him everything changed. My innocents ended, in just one second, just one glance. Every time I blink I can see his emptiness, his eyes glazed over with the horrifying blankness. The blood, that stained the once beautiful rich soil of where grass was turned up, may never leave my memories.

I came here to mourn my cousin, my friend and instead I now mourn my innocents. I mourn for the life of a person I don't know. A life that never entwined with mine until death parted him from this world.

He shouldn't matter to me. He should be just a person in a cemetery, like all the rest, like my cousin, but somehow seeing his emptiness, his blood draped across the mound of dirt that hides another person from the rest of the world; somehow it changes everything. Me. It changes me.

Who was he before I found him? Before his blood spilt onto the dirt? Before his eyes glazed over, mimicking glass?

I shake my head and bite my lip. I don't care. I don't care. I tell myself but it doesn't keep the tears from building in my eyes and hazing my contact with the world. This is ridiculous of me. I squeeze my hands into fist so hard that my fingernails bite my palm. I don't even know this man. It doesn't matter. I ball my fists up so tight that I can feel my fingernails cutting into my skin.

I feel a hand on my shoulder before I register the investigators voice. He repeats himself. "A counselor is on the way."

I hold my breath and nod. The investigator looks me over, his lips set in a line and then his eyes catch notice of my hand. He lingers near me like he's trying to comfort me without words. But I don't need to be comforted. I let my hands clench harder into my palm.

The investigator notices and grabs my hand. He holds my fist between his hands, trying to loosen it without force. Eventually the tension does loosen and my fists come apart. My fingernails are red with blood, my blood. This lifeless body has damaged me. It's because of him that I feel like curling into a ball. Because of him I have inflicted pain on myself, even if I don't feel it.