Where'd you go, Bailey?
Well, I was just at college.
You don't say...
Yep! It's been quite the school year. College is crazy. I have so many stories to tell and not enough time to tell them. With all these stories that keep piling up in these moments it becomes quite hard to absorb the change that is happening in every second. One thing I've come to realize is that change happens frequently.
It's a thrilling and terrifying time, trying to find yourself, realizing that you aren't just who you were. I am more than I was in high school, more than I was over the summer, or even just months ago. This is the most rapid change I've gone through since I was 18 months old. All this growth is leading me to more questions than answers and that is not something I expected to find here while I was in college; I came to college thinking this is where I figure everything out. In a way it's the truth, I am figuring a lot out, but not everything.
I have more questions than answers right now and it kind of drives me crazy. There are times when I can see it, see this little dream of what's going to happen next. Then there are other times when my vision is dark and I can't see anything besides the hour that's in front of me.
In reality it's because of these questions that I am growing. The challenge in finding out the answers is what drives me. But these questions are also what makes my vision so dark. I can't see the future, and I realize that more now than I think I ever have. I used to get so anxious over the idea of growing up because I thought once I was grown I'd be completely on my own, and now I'm realizing that it isn't true.
This past year has been exhilarating. I've found so many more people that I can relate to, it's crazy for me to think that just nine months ago I didn't know any of them. They've made such major impacts on my life, on the way I think, on who I've become. All of them have helped me in one way or another by teaching me a lesson or helping me step outside of my comfort zone or by being great listeners and even by proving me wrong.
They have questioned me and made me realize that I couldn't answer everything. They've brought me a little piece of reality, each of them, showing me that there is more to the world than the place I came from and there is more to me than what I knew there was. Stunningly enough, it has made me look at the world in different ways and these ways have helped me take off my blinders and instead given me the ability to see more than what I could.
Each person I've met here has a story behind them, and from what they've shown me, I can see the world in different ways. It's given me this ability to understand how the world works and why it works the way it does. It's also led me to a lot of unanswered questions about the world and the people and so much more.
I'm still searching for so many answers, I probably always will. People aren't so easily understood. Neither am I.
