The THOUGHT that COUNTS

Christmas shopping is so hard. It's not about the thoughts anymore, it's about how much for what. The thought just isn't there.

I even catch myself thinking, I don't know what to get them; should I just get them this? That is thoughtless. Reflecting on myself I think it's pretty rude. Do I not know my friends and family well enough to get them a present that they will enjoy? Or is it just too much of a burden to actually think about a person?

Even if someone celebrates Christmas because of the gifts, wouldn't they want to think about what they are giving? Isn't the point to give and not need to receive, and if that was really the point then wouldn't someone want to give the highest valued gift they could? Valued not priced. There is a difference.

Maybe it really has been this way all along...and I was just too blind to really see it. Maybe the price tag was what its really been about. But I find that hard to believe.

Every year when we put up our Christmas tree I find myself admiring the homemade ornaments more than the store bought. The store bought are just out dated and it's clearly visible in their fadedness...but that's not the point. The point is, there are homemade Christmas ornaments that are older than the store bought, and they never look out dated. They look aged but with the graceful kind of aging (the kind that people want to happen to them). They don't look ugly because they were made with more than just glass or yarn or paint, they were made by the hands of people we love. Those ornaments were made with thought, each and everyone of them, every stitch or stroke or cut. Every single piece of its being was purposefully made that way, for us.

And I love them and I hope to have them when I get a tree, I hope to get some just like them, gifts that required thought and are timeless to me. The price tag shouldn't be more thought provoking as the people we are buying the gifts for. To me, ideally, presents should be a reflection of a person. Presents should be more about the person than the price tag, and people should start to understand this as they receive and give presents.

It's the THOUGHT that COUNTS.

The Reasons of Believing?

Be·lieve (verb)
1. to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so
2. to have confidence or faith in the truth of (a positive assertion, story, etc.); give credence
to
3. to have confidence in the assertions of (a person).
4. to have a conviction that (a person or thing) is, has been, or will be engaged in a given action or involved in a given situation 5. to suppose or assume; understand

Now if a person looks at the first definition of believe, like people usually do, then they will see the ending which I have kindly highlighted.

You are probably like why does this matter?!--it matter's because I've been seeing a lot of things about believing. I have even been asked (kinda in a way) why do you believe in that particular religion that you believe in? While the person that asked me backed up their beliefs with "I've read the Bible, the Quran, etc. And I believe in ____ because..."

I TOTALLY understand that diversity is an awesome thing and can better connect a person with others. I accept that. However, I don't need diversity to believe in something. Believing is something that is my preference. I don't need other people's opinions to make my own opinion.

I saw a pin on pinterest that said "It's all in your head put there by adults that had it put in their heads when they were young." And to be quite honest, it really irritated me. In my opinion believing doesn't have to have reasons and just because there aren't reasons doesn't mean that you can't believe in it.

Just because a person's parents showed them a religion, doesn't mean that they have to have their own reason's to believe in the religion. They could have no reasons or the same reasons, because as long as they believe they will eventually build onto those reasons and then find their own reasons.

Besides...to have to search for a reason to believe defeats the purpose of believing. It doesn't matter why. It doesn't matter what I've read, because I already found my reasons. And it shouldn't matter to anyone else (unless I'm stuffing it down your throat, but I do not want to do that) everyone should have their opinions and their beliefs and they shouldn't argue against another person for it.

I think that the reason that a "non-believer" has a problem with the "believer" isn't the fact that they believe but that the fact that the "believer" wants to make the "non-believer" believe. But a person can't be forced to believe in something. They can be forced to think of something, but never truly believe in it. Beliefs form by choice. They are personal. And they do not need reasons.

A person that needs a reason to believe isn't much of a believer at all.

ARC giveaway for DEFY!!!

I follow Sara B. Larson's blog and I'm really excited about her ARC giveaway! What is the prize of this giveaway? It is her book to be! DEFY! It comes out January 7, 2014!

About the book:

Alexa Hollen is a fighter. Forced to disguise herself as a boy and serve in the king's army, Alex uses her quick wit and fierce sword-fighting skills to earn a spot on the elite prince's guard. But when a powerful sorcerer sneaks into the palace in the dead of night, even Alex, who is virtually unbeatable, can't prevent him from abducting her, her fellow guard and friend Rylan, and Prince Damian, taking them through the treacherous wilds of the jungle and deep into enemy territory.

The longer Alex is held captive with both Rylan and the prince, the more she realizes that she is not the only one who has been keeping dangerous secrets. And suddenly, after her own secret is revealed, Alex finds herself confronted with two men vying for her heart: the safe and steady Rylan, who has always cared for her, and the dark, intriguing Damian. With hidden foes lurking around every corner, is Alex strong enough to save herself and the kingdom she's sworn to protect?

I think it sounds pretty awesome and I'm really excited to read it! I love to read about strong heroines that kick butt (and who doesn't love a good romance?).

Blogging Hiatus NaNo and Football

I have been on quite the blogging hiatus because of this NaNo stuff and with Thanksgiving and football going on... That's okay though!

NaNoWriMo is coming to a tragic (but really not so tragic) ending. Even though the month is coming to an end doesn't mean that my project is. Well dratz! But that's okay. It is? Why yes because at least you started!

Besides 50,000 words is just the beginning. And just because you wrote 50,000 doesn't mean it's ready to be published. There is still a lot to change...so many revisions to make! But I'm closer than I was before. Anyone that starts is closer to the finish than they were before.

I will quote pinterest:
"The best way to predict the future is to create it."
"Goals are dreams with deadlines."

This weekend I watched my high school football team play in the State Championship! No one thought that they were going to make it that far when the season started. People would talk about the team as if the were bad. Obviously they aren't bad if they made it to the State Championship... But because everyone was so negative the boys really wanted to prove them wrong; that they were going to be something. And that's how they ended in a place where no one expected, but everyone was happy to be.

So, go get it. Whatever you want, you can work for it. If you want 50,000 words then work for it and you can get it. What I've learned this weekend, from writing so much, or watching our football team play at state is that a little bit (actually A LOT) of hard work and a lot of drive can get you just about anywhere you want to be.

Questions make Classics

So I should really be NaNoing write now (ha ha see what I did there) but I'm stuck. That's typical; absolutely nothing new about being stuck. It's the norm. This time it's a different kind of stuck; it's the kind of stuck that leaves me wishing instead of doing. Feeling totally capable but incapable at the same time, and it is awful. So enough of my misery, that's why I decided to poke around here.

On Friday night I went to the play my school was putting on, and it was really awesome! It was Frankenstein and they did really great making it creepy and sad and best of all...they made me curious. Frankenstein is a classic and even though I haven't read the book (YET) I have heard really great things about it. I have heard about the questions it leaves about humanity and visions of a person.

In the directors note he said "Great literature makes us think". I have not only heard that from him but I have interpreted it from Veronica Roth's blog post. What better way to think than to be left with questions, about the book or  yourself or, best of all, about humanity.

Classics are usually books that leave questions, sometimes more questions than answers. They aren't just books that a person enjoys to read but they secretly make you think about the, typically tragic, ending.

Through the few classics I've read so far I am left with a question at each ending. In The Great Gatsby I was left with questions about hope. For The Scarlet Letter it was about forgiveness and sins. In A Streetcar Named Desire the question I'm left with is when has someone done so much wrong that they don't deserve a second chance?

These classics leave questions that you may never be able to answer. They are typically notorious for pushing boundaries, in general, in their endings, or in their hidden questions. However these classics are what has shaped our society to what it is today and they have set standards for modern literature.

Happy Halloween!!!

Greetings ghostly ghouls, goblins, and other monsters... Happy Halloween! I hope it wasn't to cold for you trick or treaters football game spectators (that's what I did.). I say it was much too cold for a costume so I wore a mask.

Some people were much more creative and had face paint on, or actual costumes. Besides the costumes let's talk about what's really important. The candy! Did you get any? Even if you didn't go trick or treating did you at least go out and buy yourself a bag of your favorite?

And we can't forget the scariness of Halloween. Did anyone spook you? Were you driving home in the dark and thinking of a scary movie so you slightly freaked out because you live out in the country?Well I did that.

Now that today is the last day of my thirteen days of Halloween, I would like to point out that tomorrow is November 1st. No duh, right? Well this brings a slight panic to mind when I keep seeing NaNoWriMo everywhere on the intraweb. So my scarryish question for you is: Are you going to participate in NaNoWriMo?

For those who don't know what NaNoWriMo is I will explain. It stands for National Novel Writing Month. It lasts through November when people scramble through their thoughts to combine all of their craziest ideas to make a 50,000 word document in one month. Easier said than done.

I'm going to try, but we will see how far I can go. Just an FYI: You don't fail if you don't finish it in November it's really and truly the thought that counts. I am challenging you to put your words on paper and try to participate in NaNoWriMo.

Creepy HALLOWEEN story...one day left!

Plunging has been used so many times but maybe that's because that's really the best way to describe it. The knife plunging into the soft fleshy part of his abdomen. The blood pooling around the blade and filling the gap that I forced in him, after I pull the blade out terrified by what I've done.

The tip of the knife points to the sky and the blood drips down the blade finding my fingers tightly fastened around the handle. The warmth of the blood startles me and I let the knife fall. I flinch at the sound of the knife clattering on the ground.

His eyes, alert, alive, stare at me devouring ever ounce of me. Guilt consumes me the same way his eyes do. I wonder, for a moment, if this is how he felt as he attacked me over and over again.

His hands once clamping around his wound, twitch; they don't twitch with the cold shivers of death. They twitch with action. My numbed body can hardly digest his movements until I feel his hands clamped around my neck. I dropped the knife, that's probably what he was waiting for, he was ready to attack again.

My nails claw at his hand, struggling to force him off of me. If he is going to choke the life out of me then he is going to have to stare into my eyes as I die. But the gleam of cruelty in his eye suggests that he doesn't care. If guilt of killing me isn't going to stop him then I have to.

Darkness thickens along the edges of my vision and I can feel my muscles weakening as they gasp for air, energy, anything that will sustain them. My hand plummets at his wound forcing him to let go of me. He struggles to breathe but I don't fall to guilt. I pick up the knife, greeting the stickiness of the blood that stains the handle.

Over and over I plunge the blade into him. Smiling at each scream that bursts out of his mouth. Welcoming the most painful shudders that he contorts. Until everything stops. His eyes frozen in their horrific emptiness, the emptiness that I caused him.

How can I make the decision that stole the thought from a person's eyes, the breath from their lungs. I should be terrified, I am terrified but not because he's dead because I don't feel bad. I don't feel anything. I feel more alive now than I ever was. But who...what does that make me? I know who I am now. I am a monster.