Hello there!

Where'd you go, Bailey?
Well, I was just at college.
You don't say...

Yep! It's been quite the school year. College is crazy. I have so many stories to tell and not enough time to tell them. With all these stories that keep piling up in these moments it becomes quite hard to absorb the change that is happening in every second. One thing I've come to realize is that change happens frequently.

It's a thrilling and terrifying time, trying to find yourself, realizing that you aren't just who you were. I am more than I was in high school, more than I was over the summer, or even just months ago. This is the most rapid change I've gone through since I was 18 months old. All this growth is leading me to more questions than answers and that is not something I expected to find here while I was in college; I came to college thinking this is where I figure everything out. In a way it's the truth, I am figuring a lot out, but not everything.

I have more questions than answers right now and it kind of drives me crazy. There are times when I can see it, see this little dream of what's going to happen next. Then there are other times when my vision is dark and I can't see anything besides the hour that's in front of me.

In reality it's because of these questions that I am growing. The challenge in finding out the answers is what drives me. But these questions are also what makes my vision so dark. I can't see the future, and I realize that more now than I think I ever have. I used to get so anxious over the idea of growing up because I thought once I was grown I'd be completely on my own, and now I'm realizing that it isn't true.

This past year has been exhilarating. I've found so many more people that I can relate to, it's crazy for me to think that just nine months ago I didn't know any of them. They've made such major impacts on my life, on the way I think, on who I've become. All of them have helped me in one way or another by teaching me a lesson or helping me step outside of my comfort zone or by being great listeners and even by proving me wrong.

They have questioned me and made me realize that I couldn't answer everything. They've brought me a little piece of reality, each of them, showing me that there is more to the world than the place I came from and there is more to me than what I knew there was. Stunningly enough, it has made me look at the world in different ways and these ways have helped me take off my blinders and instead given me the ability to see more than what I could.

Each person I've met here has a story behind them, and from what they've shown me, I can see the world in different ways. It's given me this ability to understand how the world works and why it works the way it does. It's also led me to a lot of unanswered questions about the world and the people and so much more.

I'm still searching for so many answers, I probably always will. People aren't so easily understood. Neither am I.

The Definition of Success

"Joy is the essence of success."

This is from my wonderful yogi tea again, but this time I wholly agree. I often catch myself thinking about the future, about where I want to be later in my life, about success in general. But I'm always caught on this key question: how do I define success?

I've been told many times that I have high expectations. However, there are so many possibilities; how could I not expect great things. As long as I follow through with these expectations then I know I will be successful.

What if I don't? Am I still successful?

Success shouldn't be defined by the size of a persons house, or the money in a person wallet. The definition of success varies from person to person; for some, success is defined by money and houses but for others success is defined by relationships.

As I think of how to define success I've decided that experiences and knowledge define success. Relationships define success. Contentment defines success.

In my definition college is making me successful. Not because its a way to earn more money but because of the experience I have here. Because of the friends I'm making here. Because in college I am learning how to handle myself.

And that is how I am becoming a successful person.

An Anxious Mind

I have some wonderful tea that leaves thoughtful quotes. As I poured my energizing tea today, I pondered upon a quote that I strongly, very strongly disagree with.

"A relaxed mind is a creative mind."

The reason I disagree with this quote is because, as an aspiring author, I pay attention to the life authors led/lead. I would say that some of the greatest most creative minds were anything but relaxed.

relaxed

1.

being free of or relieved from tension or anxiety:

in a relaxed mood.

In fact many artists, including writers, suffer from things such as depression and anxiety. Maybe that is what makes the greats so great. Maybe the depression that taunted Edgar Allan Poe was the reason he could write such amazingly dark poetry. Perhaps the failure for F. Scott Fitzgerald to "relax" is what gave him the ability to write THE GREAT GATSBY.

Relaxing is not creative, it does not bring ideas about, it does not draw worlds inside of a persons soul, because none of those things are for us, for the person they belong to. Those ideas, those worlds are for themselves and they engross themselves inside a person, which is anything but relaxing. If relaxing resulted in creativity then the artist would relax for their work and not just for those short moments of self-preservation.

There are so many artists/writers/creators that suffer from the tension that is left in their minds after the artwork is no longer stored their. When their creations see sun light, more tension pulls them every which way. Veronica Roth, author of DIVERGENT, felt so anxious with all the comments on her blog that she felt the need to turn off the comment option.

I refuse to believe that the author of a bestselling dystopian series, by the age of twenty-four, is not creative because she get's anxious.

As much as an author would like to be relaxed, it is so hard. As we build stories, people, lives, we decide what our characters should be as if it weren't hard enough already deciding who we should be; deciding to take a chance on a piece of ourselves. We are creative, because there is simply no other way to be. But we are also taut with emotion, afraid that the piece of us we want to break away, to see sunlight, never will; we are anxious, but that does not mean we are less creative.

Ready. Set. Write! Recap

So it's coming to an end. :'( Which really sucks because that means summer is too. But I guess because I started my freshmen year in college summer has already ended. I'm sad to say that I am not taking any creative writing classes this semester so writing is going to be all on my own and it won't be as easy as it was with Ready. Set. Write! ending.

Honestly, I'm extremely sad right now. Not only am I sad that summer and Ready. Set. Write! is over but I didn't accomplish as much as I wanted to this summer. After staying away from writing/reading for a week all I did was think about my stories and how much left I have to tell. I also decided to write more (of course!) because the story I am supposed to be editing and going back over and fixing might be told better if it was from a totally different perspective. I might be thinking this just because I want to dive back into writing this story or possibly because I like seeing the dual perspective in the story I'm currently writing maybe the other perspective will be the right perspective, I don't know but I'll find out.

*
In other news, college is interesting and I'm taking four classes in one day which is kind of crazy and tomorrow I have Psychology which I'm super excited about besides the fact that it's in a huge lecture hall. (Maybe not huge, but big enough to fit 130 students at least. So I guess it's pretty big.) It's crazy to think that there is so much free time, it's completely different than high school. I also love being able to walk to the Plaza. And the fact that I have made a friend with another person planning to major in creative writing and that she likes YA is awesome!

I should probably be doing some homework now so I don't get too overwhelmed tomorrow... But I can't get past this sadness. I want to say that I have really enjoyed Ready. Set. Write! and that it was great interacting with the people participating. Thank you so much! I hope you guys had a great summer and rest of the year!

Ready. Set. Write! Week 9

1. How I did on last weeks goals:
 -Well considering I didn't have a blog post last week pretty good I guess...

2. My goals for this week:
 -I can't have any. Yep. Can't. I have a concussion so the doc says rest. (I'll explain more in 4.) Luckily I've grown so used to the keyboard that I can type without looking. ;)

3. Favorite line from my story:

Anna watched the first tear fall down his cheek. She brought him nearer and held him tightly in a hug. Embarrassed that she thought only of how strong of a man she was holding in her arms, a man strong enough to show her the softest parts of him. A man that though she looked at as a super hero, he still showed her that he was only human, and that, she thought, was the strongest part of all.

4. Biggest challenge I faced this week:
 -Well Monday was a pretty busy day, but Wednesday was the busiest. I was in a car accident* on Wednesday that left me with six stitches, a black eye and now I've learned a concussion. Lemmetellya writing is not easy with a concussion, especially on a brightly lit computer.

5. My favorite part of my WIP:
 -The perspective. It's easy to see both of the characters raw emotion.

*The deats on the car accident in case anyone was wondering: I was not driving, just chilling in the passenger seat, my aunt was driving and my cousin was sitting behind me. We were completely stopped when a young lady rear ended us she was going 60-65 mph. I had the worst injuries out of the people in all five, I think, cars involved. My injuries were thanks to THE HELP, hard cover, flying up and hitting me in the face... luckily I did not get any blood on the book. :)

Please be safe while driving! And remember, when you are driving you aren't just affecting yourself but everyone on the road with you, so make good decisions!

How was your week?

Never a Life Alone

Most everyone has heard by now about Robin Williams passing. As I scrolled through Facebook I saw many people that were taking time to remember him. His death came as a surprise, to me and many more. Many people admired him and I can't help but think that if he'd have known how deeply he is missed that he would still be here today.

It doesn't matter where a person stands in this life, whether they are in a million dollar house or in a rental house; with a significant other or a cat; an education or a job. Wherever a person stands they can still stand alone.

There are a lot of people in this world but it is still easy to feel erased, blended into them, alone. Especially when it is so easy to say cruel words, that poison us, rather than the loving words that give us life. Loneliness is so much easier with the absence of kind words which seem to be the hardest of all to say.

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, its not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone."
-Robin Williams

Looking down on the world now I don't think Robin Williams could ever feel alone. The enormous amount of people that admired and idolized him could have been a reason for him to keep going.

"No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world."
-Robin Williams

So maybe one letter, one card would have changed his mind. Maybe one person's thought of him could change his mind; could have changed his world.

From this possibility no matter how small, I've decided that one letter should be given to my idols, all my idols, famous or not, close or not. I want my idols to know that I am here looking up to them, that people will be there for them. Everyone should know that no matter how difficult life may be they never have to face it alone. Though there are evils in this world there are still caring people here too.

Ready. Set. Write! Week 8

1. How I did on my last week goals:
- Well considering I didn't technical have any goals, I did pretty good. I did write some and I finished reading two books. So yay!

2. My goals for this week:
- I'm planning on writing at least a total of 2500 words. It's less than usual but I want to get back into the groove of things.

3. Favorite line from my story:

Anna was brought up by a seemingly proud family. A proud surely, faithless father and an assuming mother. Before them, came her grandparents. Her father’s parents were rightly teaching, strong and persuasive, lowly ranked government officials. They taught Anna of life and death and nothing thereafter. A proud family of what they had, and of where they stood, seeing more and grasping for it and nearly always obtaining it; how could they produce something that yearns to know what little feels like?

4. Biggest challenged I faced this week:
- Writing in the car is a challenge all itself...

5. My favorite part of my WIP:
- Having time away from writing to look at the scenery and seeing the world from different views has gotten my creative juices flowing again.