A Changing Country

People are hard to change. That is that, if you don't believe me then try and change yourself, it's not that easy. Some people are easier to change than others yes, but the majority of people don't want to change so they won't. Think of trying to change a state. A country.


Not so easy right? Sure it's possible but you have to give it time. And, one of the most difficult things...freedom. You can't force people to change you have to give the freedom to change themselves. It's easier that way.

Why am I saying all of this?

Well because of some of the recent things that have been on the news.

America has come a very long way from where we were. I am sure that my grandma wouldn't have thought that in her lifetime she would witness the Civil Rights Era AND America having an African American president. It's amazing.

I hope that in my lifetime there will be no need for the NAACP (National Association for the Advancement of Colored People) because we will all look at each other as equals. No discrimination against minorities or majorities. We "...will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character". We are still working toward Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s goals that he gave in his I Have a Dream speech.

I personally think that we have come a long way. We can do better, yes, and we will do better but we should also praise how far we have come. Now, I cannot imagine having a separate bathroom just because of the color of a person's skin. I cannot imagine seeing people throwing food at people doing sit-ins, for something everyone should have, equal rights. I cannot imagine, a person being denied the right to their education, just because of the color of their skin. And most of all, I cannot imagine police officers turning on peaceful protesters.

But this all happened. And we have learned. And we will continue to learn. With time we will change.

Beauty

I am afraid of heights but today I rode the Ferris Wheel and yeah I loved it. (Even though it felt like my toes were going to fall off, because they feel like that when I'm nervous or scared...) But as I was sitting at the top looking over pretty much the entire town because it's that small, I couldn't stop smiling. It was breath-takingly beautiful.

"Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I never really thought of that tiny town, or a carnival as beautiful. Now I do. It's beautiful that at the carnival people talk to the person sitting next to them on the ride, if they know them or not. It's beautiful to see so many people smiling in one place. When it's dark and the colorful lights turn on, it's beautiful.

Maybe I'm just easily distracted by things, and everything catches my eye but I think that beauty is really all around us. It's not just in sunsets and beaches and stars it's anywhere we want to see it. Beauty isn't just nature, though that's easier to see, it's also skyscrapers and busy streets.

You may disagree with me, that's fine. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But still try to find something you think is beautiful because it's worth the smile.

Freak out

I am a worry wart. I'm freaking out over all of these "what if" scenarios, and I need to stop. Today I moped around like something disastrous happened, but the truth is everything is working out right now. But I have NOTHING to do. The problems of summer... Really the only problem is that I'm sitting, and that gives me time to think about those "what ifs" and most of them aren't good.

I guess I'm going in the right direction though because it's healthy to be nervous. Right? "If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough." Well mine scare me so I guess I'm okay. But I still don't want to freak out so much, it really takes a toll on a person.

I'm going to have to work on it. I guess that would give me something to do. The art of trying to stay calm.

Quotes

I just so happen to come across the following quotes and I had to write them down so I won't forget them:

"Hope is a walking dream."
-Aristotle

"Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; the merely determine where you start."
-Nido Qubien

"Stars can't shine without darkness."
-unknown

Comparing and Climbing

"Comparison is the thief of joy." I have that written down so I don't forget it because that is one of my biggest flaws. I constantly compare myself to other people. I compare what I do to what other people do. It's almost like everything is a competition, and I'm always losing. Even if I've started to get in the league I will find someone else to look at and compare myself to and that person is more experienced than me and better than me and I'm in last place again. Then my confidence is SMASHED like really good potatoes.

I look at whoever I'm comparing myself to like they are perfect, like they've never made a mistake, like they've never been on the bottom. Surely they've been where I am now? Surely they've looked up from the bottom of that little black hole and worked there way out. Right? But I don't get to see where they've started. They are noticed when they are at the top and I'm the one looking up to them. Then I am left trying to find how they got up there and I start. If I don't follow their path exactly I'm screwed.

That's just how I look at it.

But I'm trying to change that. I want to be up there, but I don't know how without watching others. Because I don't want to fall, and if I follow them exactly then I can't go wrong. That's not true. I am making a new rule to to this game of getting out of the bottom. Rule #1: Be me. Be original.

If someone else flies out then I have to do something different. If I'm not going to be original then I'm going to stay at the bottom. If I end up trying and falling then at least I found a way it won't work and I can pass that along to others and learn from it.

So really I've learned: I am my own person and I can't be anyone else so I am going to do things differently. I am going to do things my way. Most importantly I will not give up just because it didn't work the first time. I am only seventeen and I have my whole life to try to get out of that hole. So now I think I finally realized that I am a beginner and I can't compare myself to an expert. Not yet anyway. ;)

-Bay

Trying and Struggling

"Nothing worth it is ever easy and anything easy is not worth it." I keep having to tell myself that as I constantly struggle to be a better writer. Struggling sucks but it's necessary. Without struggle you can't really achieve anything. You never get better.

I want to get better, I just wish that there was a little less struggling. Maybe not struggling but sitting. Waiting. Right now I have to wait to know what to change and what not to change. What sucks and what's awesome. Or if it's just terrible in general...

I'm gonna have some more faith and say that it doesn't completely bite and I'm going to go out into this big world and find me a beta reader. Then I'm going to struggle as I sit and wait and pray that it is awesome and could one day in fact be something bigger and better...a book.

*Choir of Angels*

That's right, I wrote a manuscript in hopes that one day it would come out of it's cocoon and become a beautiful...book. :) It's nerve racking just to say the word book. I am terrified so I try to avoid the word book, or manuscript when possible and call it a story instead. These questions always come to mind when I hear the word book: What if I fail? What if it is awful? What if I suck?

Well I'll never know if I don't try. So I am stepping outside of my box and taking a leap of faith. If it needs fixed then I will fix it. I just have to remember as I'm falling to the unknown that it's worth a shot. If you don't try then you'll never know.

Veni Vidi Vici

Veni Vidi Vici (in Latin) means I came I saw I conquered.

Conquered sounds so brute but hey it sounds good in Latin. I used this translation first because it sounds awesome, second, because I'm leaving New Orleans tomorrow so it kind of applies. Everything except conquered. I don't think you could say I conquered anything, and after watching the movie at the WWII muesem I don't think I would want to conquere anything. Conquering things means conflict, sometimes unnecessary conflict.

Millions of people died because tyrant leaders wanted to conquere the world, causing WWII. In the end of the movie at the WWII muesem I walked out rethinking the Allies status of winning WWII, not because they didn't get what they were aiming for but because they lost so much. Yes they saved many lives but what about all the lives they had to lose, just to win. All that was left was a path of destruction that had to be cleaned up. No one wins. All of this could have been avoided if people weren't being greedy and trying to conquere the world in their own names. If things were left alone, we would not have to hear horrific stories of concentration camps or POW camps.

Thus I'm changing the quote, and for good reason I think. I don't think the idea of conquering the world is right, I want to live a full life and enjoy all my time and I want other's to enjoy their time too. I want to honor all of the lives ever lived (and to live) because there has to be some amount of good in even the most evil person. So in Latin (because Latin is way cooler) Veni Vidi Vixi which means I came I saw I (have) lived.