Nothing is the same

I have caught myself saying quite a few times, "If only I could go back," or my more recent favorite, "If only things were the same," but upon recent thought I have come to realize that nothing is the same. Day by day things change. With every second I am struck with more time and more knowledge and more experiences. Nothing can ever be the same.

It was in the movie Alice in Wonderland where Alice stated, "I cannot go back to yesterday because I was a different person then." I completely agree with this statement. I cannot say that I could go back an hour because within an hour my perspective can change.

With these new perspectives I realize that I would not want to go back, and although the thought of sameness can be intriguing, it is still not something I would want to go back to. I do not want to go back to naive interpretations. It is in my best interest to continue growing and never to wish that things were the same again. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, whatever reasons they may be, and I will learn from my experiences.

So let me further explain this post, I in no way wish to go back to simpler versions of myself, even to times that seem simpler. I am proud of where I stand no matter how far away I stand from another person. Pain will heal, forgiveness will be sought, forgetting will be not, and I will forever stand in the present even if I stand alone.

The Truth of Perspectives

(SPOILER ALERT for Ender's Game)

In perspective we are all heroes and yet we are all villains too. Really, if we look to the truth to show us what we are, we aren't heroes or villains because defining us in such ways isn't about the truth, it's about perspectives. People are complex, we aren't all of one thing and none of another, we are mixtures; of love, of hate, of sadness, of joy, of good, and of bad. However, we try to define people so easily as heroes and villains, never thinking that maybe they are both, maybe they are neither, but according to this perspective they are good and according to this perspective they are bad. We try to define them as simply just one.

There is a saying that, "there are three sides to every story, yours mine and the truth." In your story you can chose to think you are the hero for killing that spider, but in the spider's story you are the villain. The truth says that you killed the spider; the truth isn't biased, it's factual. Where we find our role is how we decide to perceive the facts and determine opinions: Is killing wrong? Is it justifiable?

I have recently finished the confusing yet marvelous story THE YOUNG ELITES by Marie Lu a story that follows the life of the villain. Funny, though, that when I read THE YOUNG ELITES that I didn't seem to think of Adelina as the villain. I was reading her story; her story which made her seem more as a heroine than a villain. The facts cannot tell me whether a person is good or bad I have to take this decision into my own hands with the information I have.

Where we stand according to perspectives has the ability to change our moral compass if our views are stronger than our sense of right and wrong. An example can be the Heaven's Gate Cult in which people's views led them to take their own lives which was heroic in their perspective, but to the greater public their actions were a horror.

The term "greater public" shouldn't lead people to believe that right and wrong can be determined by the majority, either. The majority has been oppressive in many cases, too, which we now look back on and view as wrong. There are many examples of this in history, a few are: Nazi Germany's treatment of the minority groups, and the United State's own Jim Crow Laws that oppressed the minority. These groups would have argued that they were merely protecting themselves and their way of life in which they disputed that the minority groups were complicating.

Wherever a person stands gives them a unique way to view a situation. As I watched the movie ENDER'S GAME (I know I really should have read the book first) I was stricken by this thought of how heroic Ender was for killing of an entire alien species, until I took on an entirely different perspective. While Ender thought he was playing a game he later found out he had actually carried out the mission. This spectator perspective led me to see he had been pushed into the role of villain right before my eyes.

It is so easy to illude a person's moral ideas based on their perspective. Most people would agree that killing is morally unjust however we will crush the lives of harmless insects. We are more than willing to tell white lies to children, all while we tell them not to lie. It is our perspective that tells us that it is okay, that we are the heroes for telling children about their pet bunnies running away, rather than telling them the truth, that the bunny died.

Good and bad is all about perspective and where we find ourselves standing. It is important to realize that our enemies are heroes in their own stories, that we are villains in theirs. Perspective is a powerful tool, and if people were more gracious in using it as a tool for empathy rather than misunderstandings, I believe, we could have much kinder actions in this world.

RSW! Week 5

1.  How I did on last week’s goals:
- I did much better! Not only did I manage to reach my word count but I also finished the book I was reading!

2.  My goal(s) for this week:
- My goals will stay the same! I hope to write at least 1000 words and keep reading!

3.  A favorite line from my story:
- “I suppose you were bound to see me in my night silks at some point.”

4.  The biggest challenge I faced this week:

- Trying to find the will to write when you're mourning a character in the book your reading. Also, not getting distracted with all the excitement of the weekend. (Yay for the USA Women's team! Oh...and the 4th of July. A great weekend for America.)

5.  Something I love about my WiP:

- The tension in the story right now because there's so much of it and there are so many different sources for all this tension. 

How did your week go?

RSW! Week 4

1.  How I did on last week’s goals:
- Well I have written a lot more than usual because Abby over at This Entirety told me about an awesome writing app that sends you reminders to write and makes writing on your phone much easier! Also, I've been reading more, which I should be including in my goals.

2.  My goal(s) for this week:
-  1000 words and, I won't forget this time, but reading!

3.  A word to describe what I've written:
- Change!

4.  The biggest challenge I faced this week:

- Trying to decide between writing or reading, which isn't a bad challenge to have, in my opinion.

5.  Something I love about my WiP:

- I'm watching my characters change and become more demanding and caring. It's really wonderful seeing them grow.

How has everyone's week been?

RSW! Week 3

1.  How I did on last week’s goals:
- Worse than last week with about three hundred words total, but I did a lot more thinking about my WiP and some more brainstorming, so that's always a plus side.

2.  My goal(s) for this week:
- I'm not going to lower my goal at all, it'll stay at 1000 words and hopefully this time I'll reach it.

3.  A favorite line from my story:
- He saw how mesmerized she was with the stones that no longer bore any names. He wanted to know exactly what she saw in them that left her in such a trance. "Why are you so obsessed with these old worn down stones?"
She turned to him, a faint smile on her lips; she knew he wouldn't understand. "Because one day I will be an old worn down stone and I can only hope that someone will notice me and think of how once I wasn't."

4.  The biggest challenge I faced this week:

- I just don't seem to have enough time or energy. I'll have to make time and forget the energy.

5.  Something I love about my WiP:

- I have a better grasp of where this next chapter will go, which may be subject to change, but I'm holding onto the idea for now.

RSW! Week 2.

1.  How I did on last week’s goals:
- Pretty poor. I only wrote about 500 words out of the 1500 I planned on.

2.  My goal(s) for this week:
- I'm going to knock my goal down to 1000 words and see if I can reach that. Hopefully as I go I will be able to increase my goal as the temperature increases.

3.  A favorite line from my story:
"What is the point in owning such a large house if it is empty? Things don’t fill rooms like people do."

4.  The biggest challenge I faced this week:

- Motivation.

5.  Something I love about my WiP:

- I really enjoy getting to know my characters, they're a surprise.

Ready. Set. WRITE! 2015

Ready. Set. Write! is back in gears this summer! What is Ready. Set. Write! you may ask. Ready. Set. WRITE! is a summer writing intensive that encourages goal-setting and accountability, and provides an opportunity for us to cheer each other on wherever we’re at with our writing projects—planning, drafting, revising, or polishing.  This year, your RSW hosts are Alison Miller, Jaime Morrow, Erin Funk, Elodie Nowodazkij, and Katy Upperman.

My Goal:
1. For my goals this week I plan on easing back into writing my WIPs, so I'll try to add a total of 1500 words. It might be a stretch but I'll try.

This summer I hope to get back into my writing habits and rewrite/edit my first WIP and write more for WIP2. Balancing them both my be difficult but it should be fun!

Let's get this thing started!

Hello there!

Where'd you go, Bailey?
Well, I was just at college.
You don't say...

Yep! It's been quite the school year. College is crazy. I have so many stories to tell and not enough time to tell them. With all these stories that keep piling up in these moments it becomes quite hard to absorb the change that is happening in every second. One thing I've come to realize is that change happens frequently.

It's a thrilling and terrifying time, trying to find yourself, realizing that you aren't just who you were. I am more than I was in high school, more than I was over the summer, or even just months ago. This is the most rapid change I've gone through since I was 18 months old. All this growth is leading me to more questions than answers and that is not something I expected to find here while I was in college; I came to college thinking this is where I figure everything out. In a way it's the truth, I am figuring a lot out, but not everything.

I have more questions than answers right now and it kind of drives me crazy. There are times when I can see it, see this little dream of what's going to happen next. Then there are other times when my vision is dark and I can't see anything besides the hour that's in front of me.

In reality it's because of these questions that I am growing. The challenge in finding out the answers is what drives me. But these questions are also what makes my vision so dark. I can't see the future, and I realize that more now than I think I ever have. I used to get so anxious over the idea of growing up because I thought once I was grown I'd be completely on my own, and now I'm realizing that it isn't true.

This past year has been exhilarating. I've found so many more people that I can relate to, it's crazy for me to think that just nine months ago I didn't know any of them. They've made such major impacts on my life, on the way I think, on who I've become. All of them have helped me in one way or another by teaching me a lesson or helping me step outside of my comfort zone or by being great listeners and even by proving me wrong.

They have questioned me and made me realize that I couldn't answer everything. They've brought me a little piece of reality, each of them, showing me that there is more to the world than the place I came from and there is more to me than what I knew there was. Stunningly enough, it has made me look at the world in different ways and these ways have helped me take off my blinders and instead given me the ability to see more than what I could.

Each person I've met here has a story behind them, and from what they've shown me, I can see the world in different ways. It's given me this ability to understand how the world works and why it works the way it does. It's also led me to a lot of unanswered questions about the world and the people and so much more.

I'm still searching for so many answers, I probably always will. People aren't so easily understood. Neither am I.

The Definition of Success

"Joy is the essence of success."

This is from my wonderful yogi tea again, but this time I wholly agree. I often catch myself thinking about the future, about where I want to be later in my life, about success in general. But I'm always caught on this key question: how do I define success?

I've been told many times that I have high expectations. However, there are so many possibilities; how could I not expect great things. As long as I follow through with these expectations then I know I will be successful.

What if I don't? Am I still successful?

Success shouldn't be defined by the size of a persons house, or the money in a person wallet. The definition of success varies from person to person; for some, success is defined by money and houses but for others success is defined by relationships.

As I think of how to define success I've decided that experiences and knowledge define success. Relationships define success. Contentment defines success.

In my definition college is making me successful. Not because its a way to earn more money but because of the experience I have here. Because of the friends I'm making here. Because in college I am learning how to handle myself.

And that is how I am becoming a successful person.

An Anxious Mind

I have some wonderful tea that leaves thoughtful quotes. As I poured my energizing tea today, I pondered upon a quote that I strongly, very strongly disagree with.

"A relaxed mind is a creative mind."

The reason I disagree with this quote is because, as an aspiring author, I pay attention to the life authors led/lead. I would say that some of the greatest most creative minds were anything but relaxed.

relaxed

1.

being free of or relieved from tension or anxiety:

in a relaxed mood.

In fact many artists, including writers, suffer from things such as depression and anxiety. Maybe that is what makes the greats so great. Maybe the depression that taunted Edgar Allan Poe was the reason he could write such amazingly dark poetry. Perhaps the failure for F. Scott Fitzgerald to "relax" is what gave him the ability to write THE GREAT GATSBY.

Relaxing is not creative, it does not bring ideas about, it does not draw worlds inside of a persons soul, because none of those things are for us, for the person they belong to. Those ideas, those worlds are for themselves and they engross themselves inside a person, which is anything but relaxing. If relaxing resulted in creativity then the artist would relax for their work and not just for those short moments of self-preservation.

There are so many artists/writers/creators that suffer from the tension that is left in their minds after the artwork is no longer stored their. When their creations see sun light, more tension pulls them every which way. Veronica Roth, author of DIVERGENT, felt so anxious with all the comments on her blog that she felt the need to turn off the comment option.

I refuse to believe that the author of a bestselling dystopian series, by the age of twenty-four, is not creative because she get's anxious.

As much as an author would like to be relaxed, it is so hard. As we build stories, people, lives, we decide what our characters should be as if it weren't hard enough already deciding who we should be; deciding to take a chance on a piece of ourselves. We are creative, because there is simply no other way to be. But we are also taut with emotion, afraid that the piece of us we want to break away, to see sunlight, never will; we are anxious, but that does not mean we are less creative.

Ready. Set. Write! Recap

So it's coming to an end. :'( Which really sucks because that means summer is too. But I guess because I started my freshmen year in college summer has already ended. I'm sad to say that I am not taking any creative writing classes this semester so writing is going to be all on my own and it won't be as easy as it was with Ready. Set. Write! ending.

Honestly, I'm extremely sad right now. Not only am I sad that summer and Ready. Set. Write! is over but I didn't accomplish as much as I wanted to this summer. After staying away from writing/reading for a week all I did was think about my stories and how much left I have to tell. I also decided to write more (of course!) because the story I am supposed to be editing and going back over and fixing might be told better if it was from a totally different perspective. I might be thinking this just because I want to dive back into writing this story or possibly because I like seeing the dual perspective in the story I'm currently writing maybe the other perspective will be the right perspective, I don't know but I'll find out.

*
In other news, college is interesting and I'm taking four classes in one day which is kind of crazy and tomorrow I have Psychology which I'm super excited about besides the fact that it's in a huge lecture hall. (Maybe not huge, but big enough to fit 130 students at least. So I guess it's pretty big.) It's crazy to think that there is so much free time, it's completely different than high school. I also love being able to walk to the Plaza. And the fact that I have made a friend with another person planning to major in creative writing and that she likes YA is awesome!

I should probably be doing some homework now so I don't get too overwhelmed tomorrow... But I can't get past this sadness. I want to say that I have really enjoyed Ready. Set. Write! and that it was great interacting with the people participating. Thank you so much! I hope you guys had a great summer and rest of the year!

Ready. Set. Write! Week 9

1. How I did on last weeks goals:
 -Well considering I didn't have a blog post last week pretty good I guess...

2. My goals for this week:
 -I can't have any. Yep. Can't. I have a concussion so the doc says rest. (I'll explain more in 4.) Luckily I've grown so used to the keyboard that I can type without looking. ;)

3. Favorite line from my story:

Anna watched the first tear fall down his cheek. She brought him nearer and held him tightly in a hug. Embarrassed that she thought only of how strong of a man she was holding in her arms, a man strong enough to show her the softest parts of him. A man that though she looked at as a super hero, he still showed her that he was only human, and that, she thought, was the strongest part of all.

4. Biggest challenge I faced this week:
 -Well Monday was a pretty busy day, but Wednesday was the busiest. I was in a car accident* on Wednesday that left me with six stitches, a black eye and now I've learned a concussion. Lemmetellya writing is not easy with a concussion, especially on a brightly lit computer.

5. My favorite part of my WIP:
 -The perspective. It's easy to see both of the characters raw emotion.

*The deats on the car accident in case anyone was wondering: I was not driving, just chilling in the passenger seat, my aunt was driving and my cousin was sitting behind me. We were completely stopped when a young lady rear ended us she was going 60-65 mph. I had the worst injuries out of the people in all five, I think, cars involved. My injuries were thanks to THE HELP, hard cover, flying up and hitting me in the face... luckily I did not get any blood on the book. :)

Please be safe while driving! And remember, when you are driving you aren't just affecting yourself but everyone on the road with you, so make good decisions!

How was your week?

Never a Life Alone

Most everyone has heard by now about Robin Williams passing. As I scrolled through Facebook I saw many people that were taking time to remember him. His death came as a surprise, to me and many more. Many people admired him and I can't help but think that if he'd have known how deeply he is missed that he would still be here today.

It doesn't matter where a person stands in this life, whether they are in a million dollar house or in a rental house; with a significant other or a cat; an education or a job. Wherever a person stands they can still stand alone.

There are a lot of people in this world but it is still easy to feel erased, blended into them, alone. Especially when it is so easy to say cruel words, that poison us, rather than the loving words that give us life. Loneliness is so much easier with the absence of kind words which seem to be the hardest of all to say.

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, its not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone."
-Robin Williams

Looking down on the world now I don't think Robin Williams could ever feel alone. The enormous amount of people that admired and idolized him could have been a reason for him to keep going.

"No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world."
-Robin Williams

So maybe one letter, one card would have changed his mind. Maybe one person's thought of him could change his mind; could have changed his world.

From this possibility no matter how small, I've decided that one letter should be given to my idols, all my idols, famous or not, close or not. I want my idols to know that I am here looking up to them, that people will be there for them. Everyone should know that no matter how difficult life may be they never have to face it alone. Though there are evils in this world there are still caring people here too.

Ready. Set. Write! Week 8

1. How I did on my last week goals:
- Well considering I didn't technical have any goals, I did pretty good. I did write some and I finished reading two books. So yay!

2. My goals for this week:
- I'm planning on writing at least a total of 2500 words. It's less than usual but I want to get back into the groove of things.

3. Favorite line from my story:

Anna was brought up by a seemingly proud family. A proud surely, faithless father and an assuming mother. Before them, came her grandparents. Her father’s parents were rightly teaching, strong and persuasive, lowly ranked government officials. They taught Anna of life and death and nothing thereafter. A proud family of what they had, and of where they stood, seeing more and grasping for it and nearly always obtaining it; how could they produce something that yearns to know what little feels like?

4. Biggest challenged I faced this week:
- Writing in the car is a challenge all itself...

5. My favorite part of my WIP:
- Having time away from writing to look at the scenery and seeing the world from different views has gotten my creative juices flowing again.

Ready. Set. Write! Week 7

1. How I did on last weeks goals:
In my "revising" story I got a little more than my planned 2000. But in WIP story I only wrote about 500 words.

2. My goals for this week:
I'm not going to assign any certain number because I'm currently on vacation, but I just want to write whenever I can.

3. Favorite line from my story:

Anna spoke up, irritated that her mother was so cruel. “Social gaps do not mean gaps within compassion, mother, or understanding. Sometimes the difference is in the people, not in their social status perhaps that is what Ezra meant.”

4. Biggest challenge I face:
Kicking off vacation, babysitting, and getting sick was time consuming, it all left me without much time to write.

5. My favorite part about my WIP:
I'm getting somewhere again! I don't feel as stuck as I did before and it's a really good feeling.

How did your week of writing go?

Late edition of Ready. Set. Write! Week 6.

Yes. This is late after ailing in the big chair on Monday and not feeling up to even crawling toward the computer for the weekly Ready. Set. Write! post. However, now that I'm feeling better and only have the cough and congestion plaguing me it's time that I have a quick update. 

I didn't get much of anything done last week after facing a deathly…writers block. What I did get done, I’m not even sure of an exact word count. So the week hasn't been that good to me. L

Since I will be going on vacation on Friday! Then babysitting today! And being sick for two days this week¡ (Up-side-down exclamation point because that was not so great.) I am going to lower the bar, which sucks but I think it’s necessary. In “revision” story I want to write a total of 2000 more words. In WIP I am hoping for 1000 words, but even that seems too hopeful.

A favorite line from my story or a word or phrase to sum up what I wrote…

On this sad occasion of me writing almost nothing I am going to turn my frown into a solid line by summing up my phrase in Latin: Sum nihil. (A special thanks to Google translate!)

So being sick was a down point but that wasn't the main reason the pages are left blank. It was writer’s block that somehow snuck back in to watch me stare at the screen.

Despite this bleak update I will say that rewriting the “revising” story feels a lot better because I love diving back into this story. There are other upsides on bad weeks. 1. What goes up must come down, which means what goes down must come back up right? 2. It could get worse, but chances are it won't. ☺

Ready. Set. Write! (Week 5)

1. How I did on last week's goals?

 -I came close. I wrote 4500 words in my WIP and 1000 words in my revising story. Also my reading has improved after I received FOUR by Veronica Roth! So I'm going to say that the week has been pretty successful.

2. My goals for this week.
 -I'm going to keep all the same goals from last week. Pretty boring but eh it works.

3. A favorite line from my story or one word/phrase that sums up what I wrote/revised.
 -Her mother always said to her, before her departure, that a person can say the right thing but the only thing that matters is not what they say but whether they can prove that they believe it.

4. The biggest challenge I faced this week.
 -Lack of motivation. Ugh. I know what needs to be said but I can't say it. Oh and then there is procrastination...

5. Something I love about my WIP.
 -Even when I'm not writing I can't stop thinking about the story. Who doesn't love daydreaming...

How was your week of writing?

Ready. Set. Write! Week 4

1. How I did on last week's goals?
 -Well not too good. I didn't revise anything really, however I decided that instead of revising it needs some rewriting. Oh well, whatever makes it better. On my actual writing I managed to get to my goal of 4000. However, I didn't read or write everyday like I planned.

2. My goals for this week.
 -I'm bumping up my word count to 5000 again and an extra 1000 words in the "revision" story. I plan to write and read everyday too.

3. A favorite line from my story or one word/phrase that sums up what I wrote/revised.
 -It's rough but I like how it shows Anna's growth: 

 Now she thought of the beauty in his heartbeats, were they irregular, like hers, or were they normal, perfect for a long lasting life in Brevis.

4. The biggest challenge I faced this week.
 -With the 4th of July I had little time to read and write. My motivation also decreased, and I'm gonna blame that on the 4th of July too. ;)

5. Something I love about my WIP.
 -The characters are growing and that is always something to love.

How did you do on your goals?

The Polite Policy

There is a constant struggle that I see in society. Some people might not see it as a struggle, maybe that's just me, because society has had this polite policy for as long as I've been alive, really longer. But I am going to use a great quote (of course!) that is in DIVERGENT by Veronica Roth.

 "Mom used to say that politeness is deception in pretty packaging."

When I first read that I thought it was the weirdest thing I've ever read. Politeness was (is) something I want to stand by. It's classy, to be polite. Right? Right. I want to be a classy lady.

But I've also heard that old saying "The truth will set you free" and whatnot. I want to be free. Maybe it's me being one of those stupid teenagers but freedom is something that just gets to me. It's so appealing, and not just to me, to a lot of people, I mean that's what America is all about, right? Freedom! Yeah..

But society relies on kindness. People expect, or at least hope, that others will be kind to them. And the truth is not always kind. Society wants people to be polite, like children are raised to say please and thank you, even though they may not always stick with it. Politeness relies on saying "nice to meet you" even when it may not be that pleasant to meet someone. Politeness relies on apologies when you've done something wrong, even if you aren't truly sorry. Society relies on politeness and politeness often relies on those little white lies.

I don't want to be told those little white lies anymore. I want to be set free, I want to know the truth. I want to know when my writing sucks, when I have something in my teeth, when my fly is unzipped, when someone isn't sorry. All of those impolite things that you can't say, just tell me because maybe I can fix it, and if not I can deal with it. But one thing is absolutely for sure: I cannot fix anything, if I don't know that it's a problem.

The truth will set me free, and on the other side of freedom lies possibilities. I think that those possibilities are going to feel a lot better later than any white lie will in the moment.

So what will you choose? Politeness or Truth? I'm eager to know.

Ready. Set. Write! Check in

1. How I did on last week's goals?
 -I accomplished all of my goals. My goal was to write 5000 words and I ended up writing 6000. I was right on point as I revised seven pages, and wrote everyday.

2. My goals for this week.
 -Because it's going to be a very busy weekend with the fourth of July and whatnot I'm going to cut back on my word count and aim for 4000 words. I'll try to revise five pages, at the least, and of course I have to write everyday, it just might not be a 1000 word stretch. However, I'm kind of disappointed in myself when I realize that with all this writing I'm not reading as much, so I'm making the goal to read everyday.

3. A favorite line from my story or one word/phrase that sums up what I wrote/revised.
 -It's rough but I like how it shows more about Ezra then even I knew.
 "'I used to think, when I was a child, that children eventually grew up to become adults, but the older I get and the more I look at you, Anna, I realize that just isn't true. We are all children, some of us just lost the compassion because we thought that wasn't needed, others lost the absolution because we try so damn hard to make the right decisions. Me, Anna, I lost the ability to look at this city and think there was something waiting for me here. Hopefulness is what you used to call it before you decided to grow up without me too.'"

4. The biggest challenge I faced this week.
 -Well, I found the time to write, even though it means writing until 1:30 am now I'm just battling sleep deprivation, so it makes my words a little too soppy with emotion. At least I'm writing though.

5. Something I love about my WIP.
 -I like discovering all the stories that live inside of one story, and I'm definitely seeing more with Ezra stepping back into Anna's life.